arch to
Moscow, arrives, and is quartered in the village, while their commanding
officer, Milon, a friend of Mr. Upright, makes his appearance at the
house, where to his surprise, he finds his lady-love, Sophia, who
promptly explains to him the situation of affairs.

Mitrofan is still under teachers, consisting of Vralman (Liar), a former
gunner, who is supposed to be teaching him French and all the sciences;
Tzyfirkin (Cipherer), a retired army-sergeant, who instructs him in
arithmetic, and Kuteikin, who, as his name implies, is the son of a
petty ecclesiastic, and teaches him reading and writing, talking always
in ecclesiastical style, interlarded with old Church-Slavonic words and
phrases. He is always doing "reviews," never advancing to new lessons,
and threatens to drown himself if he be not allowed to wed Sophia at
once. There is a most amusing lesson-scene. The teacher of arithmetic
sets him a problem: three people walking along the road find three
hundred rubles, which they divide equally between them; how much does
each one get? Mitrofan does the sum on his slate: "Once three is three,
once nothing is nothing, once nothing is nothing." But his mother
exclaims, that if he finds such a sum, he must not divide it, but keep
it all, and that arithmetic, which teaches such division, is a fool of a
science. Another sum is worked out in equally absurd style, with equally
intelligent comments from the mother. Kuteikin then takes his turn, and
using a pointer, makes Mitrofan repeat after him a ridiculously
appropriate sentence from the Psalms, in the "Tchasosloff," the "Book of
Hours," or first reader. Vralman enters, meddles with everybody, in a
strong foreign accent, and puts an end to the lessons, as quite
unnecessary for the precious boy; for which, and his arrogance (when
Mrs. Simpleton and the Hobbledehoy have retired), the other teachers
attack him with slate and book.

Meanwhile, Uncle Starodum has arrived, and talks in long paragraphs and
stilted language to Pravdin and Sophia, expressing the ideal view of
life, conduct, service to the state, and so forth. He, as well as
Sophia, Pravdin Milon, are quite colorless. The Simpletons overwhelm
Starodum with stupid courtesies, and Mrs. S. gets Pravdin to examine
Mitrofan, in order to prove to Starodum that her darling child is fit to
be Sophia's husband. The examination is even more brilliant than the
lesson. Mitrofan says that door, that is to say, the door to that