e exposes dot skoolmaster,
dot villen, und dot fixes him. Den she falls down in Rudolph's arms, und
your eyes gits fulled up again, und you can'd see someding more. I like
to haf as many glasses of beer as dere is gryin' chust now. You couldn't
help dot any vay. Und if I see a gal vot don'd gry in dot piece, I
voodn't marry dot gal, efen if her fader owned a pig prewery. Und if I
see a feller vot don'd gry, I voodn't dook a trink of lager bier mit
him. Vell, afder de piece is oud, you feel so bad, und so goot, dot you
must ead a few pieces of hot stuff do drife avay der plues. But I told
you vat it is, dot's a pully piece, I baed you, don'd it?

THE SUPERFLUOUS MAN

JOHN G. SAXE

I long have been puzzled to guess,
And so I have frequently said,
What the reason could really be
That I never have happened to wed;
But now it is perfectly clear
I am under a natural ban;
The girls are already assigned--
And I'm a superfluous man!

Those clever statistical chaps
Declare the numerical run
Of women and men in the world
Is Twenty to Twenty-and-one:
And hence in the pairing, you see,
Since wooing and wedding began,
For every connubial score
They've got a superfluous man!

By twenties and twenties they go,
And giddily rush to their fate,
For none of the number, of course,
Can fail of the conjugal mate;
But while they are yielding in scores
To nature's inflexible plan,
There's never a woman for me--
For I'm a superfluous man!

It isn't that I am a churl,
To solitude over-inclined,
It isn't that I am at fault
In morals or manners or mind;
Then what is the reason, you ask,
I'm still with the bachelor clan?
I merely was numbered amiss--
And I'm a superfluous man!

It isn't that I am in want
Of personal beauty or grace,
For many a man with a wife
Is uglier far in the face.
Indeed, among elegant men
I fancy myself in the van;
But what is the value of that,
When I'm a superfluous man?

Although I am fond of the girls,
For aught I could ever discern,
The tender emotion I feel
Is one that they never return;
'Tis idle to quarrel with fate,
For, struggle as hard as I can,
They're mated already, you know,
And I'm a superflu