at nine
readers of that paper had sent him poems. This of course is only to be
expected of a newspaper which advocates reprisals.

***

According to the _Vossische Zeitung_ washing soap is unobtainable
in Berlin. Even eating soap, it is rumoured, can be obtained only at
prohibitive prices.

***

Before the Law Society Tribunal, Mr. JACOB EPSTEIN, the sculptor,
was stated to have passed the medical test. On the other hand Mr.
EPSTEIN'S Venus is still regarded as medically unfit.

***

A Devon lady who has just celebrated her one hundredth birthday
declares that to drink plenty of water daily is the secret of good
health. This is a great triumph for the milk trade.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Curate_ (_to old parishioner troubled with insomnia_).
"HAVE YOU TRIED COUNTING SHEEP JUMPING OVER A STILE?"

_Old Lady_. "AH, THAT'S WORSE THAN USELESS, SIR. IT SETS ME WORRYIN'
ABOUT THEM BUTCHERS WITH THEIR ONE-AND-TEN-PENCE A POUND FOR MUTTON."]

* * * * *

THE BEST GAME THE FAIRIES PLAY.

The best game the fairies play,
The best game of all,
Is sliding down steeples--
You know they're very tall.
You fly to the weathercock
And when you hear it crow
You fold your wings and clutch your things,
And then you let go!

They have a million other games;
Cloud-catching's one;
And mud-mixing after rain
Is heaps and heaps of fun;
But when you go and stay with them
Never mind the rest;
Take my advice--they're very nice,
But steeple-sliding's best!

* * * * *

"Home wanted for tabby Persian Cat, 3 years old
(neutral)."--_Scotch Paper_.

Why doesn't it join the Allies?

* * * * *

A SHORT WAY WITH SUBMARINES.

"A short way with submarines?" said Bill; "oh, yes, we've _got_ one
all right; but," he added regretfully, "I don't know as I'm at liberty
to tell you. Wot I'm thinkin' about is this 'ere Defence o' the Realm
Act--see? Why, there was a feller I knew got ten days' cells for just
tellin' a young woman where 'er sweet'eart's ship was."

It was the last day of Bill's "leaf," of which he had spent the
greater part warding off the attacks of old acquaintances bent upon
finding out something interesting about the Navy. Of course during
his absence Bill had written home regularly, but his letters had been
models of discretion an