leave the room, was disastrous in the extreme. But Professor
Cawker, as I need hardly remind my readers, was a genial and
noble-hearted man. I presented him on his marriage with a set of
garnet studs. Ever after when I dined at his house he wore them.
Nothing was ever said between us, but we both knew, and I shall never
forget.

III.

My old friend, Lemmens Porter, whose name I deeply regret not to
have read in the Honours List, reminds me of the painful story of
SWINBURNE, who, in a fit of temper, hurled two poached eggs at GEORGE
MEREDITH for speaking disrespectfully of VICTOR HUGO. The incident is
suppressed in Mr. GOSSE'S tactful life, but Mr. Porter had it direct
from MEREDITH, whose bath-chair he frequently pulled at Dorking.
SWINBURNE was, I regret to say, pagan in his views, but, unlike some
pagans, he was incapable of adhering to the golden mean. ARISTOTLE,
I feel certain, would never have condescended to the use of such a
missile, and it is beyond "imagination's widest stretch" to picture,
say, the late Dr. JOSEPH COOK, of Boston, the present Lord ABERDEEN,
or the Rev. Dr. Donald McGuffin acting in such a wild and tempestuous
manner.

IV.

Still we must admit the existence of high temper even in men of high
souls, high aims and high achievements. Everyone may improve his
temper. We cannot all emulate the patience of JOB, but we can at least
set before us the noble example of Professor Cawker, who redeemed
the angular exuberance of his youth by the mellow and mollifying
kindliness of his maturity. Even if Mr. GLADSTONE _did_ break chairs,
we should not lightly condemn him. You cannot make omelettes without
breaking eggs. Besides, chairs cannot retaliate.

MARCUS MULL.

* * * * *

A CYNICAL HEADLINE.

"NEW BRITISH BLOW.--BIRTHDAY HONOURS LIST."--_Daily Mirror_.

We congratulate our contemporary on its terseness. _The Times_ took
nearly a column to say the same thing.

* * * * *

BALLADE OF INCIPIENT LUNACY.

_Scene_.--A Battalion "Orderly" Room in France during a period of
"Rest." Runners arrive breathlessly from all directions bearing
illegible chits, and tear off in the same directions with illegible
answers or no answer at all. Motor-bicycles snort up to the door and
arrogant despatch-riders enter with enormous envelopes containing
leagues of correspondence, orders, minutes, circulars, maps, signals,
lists, schedules, su