uns lost whatever heart they had
had, and went through their "Kamerad" exercise without further ado.

When the excitement was over Patrick sought out Goldilocks, and, shaking
him warmly by the hand, thanked him for suppressing the officer and saving
the situation.

"Situation be damned" (or words to that effect), Goldilocks retorted. "He
would have pinched my butter!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Clerk._ "YES, SIR, IT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT, SIR. TWINS I AM
HAPPY TO SAY, SIR. ANOTHER FIVE POUNDS A WEEK WILL COME IN VERY HANDY,
SIR."

_Employer_ (_imagining him to mean a rise in salary_). "ANOTHER FIVE POUNDS
A WEEK! GOOD LORD!!"

_Clerk._ "YES SIR. LORD DEVONPORT, SIR."]

* * * * *

THE FLOWERLESS FUTURE.

(_Notes from a Society newspaper of the coming vegetable epoch._)

PERSONAL PARS.

We regret to learn that Lady Diana Dashweed has returned from Nice
suffering from nervous shock. During a battle of vegetables at the recent
carnival Lady Diana, while in the act of aiming a tomato at a well-known
peer, was struck on the head by a fourteen-pound marrow hurled by some
unknown admirer. There is unfortunately a growing tendency at these
festivities to use missiles over the regulation weight.

* * * * *

A daring innovation was made by last Wednesday's bride. One has become so
accustomed to the orthodox cauliflower bouquet at weddings that it came
almost as a shock to see her holding a huge bunch of rich crimson
beetroots, tied with old-gold streamers. The effect however was altogether
delightful.

* * * * *

The decorations for a particularly smart "pink-and-white" dinner at one of
our smartest restaurants last evening were charmingly carried out in spring
rhubarb and Spanish onions, the table being softly illuminated by tinted
electric lights concealed in hollow turnips, fashioned to represent the
heads of famous statesmen.

* * * * *

FROM THE SERIAL STORY.

"Sick at heart, Adela tottered across the room and, opening her bureau,
drew from its secret hiding-place an old letter. As she tremblingly removed
it from the envelope a few faded leaves fluttered down to the floor. It was
the brussels-sprout he had given her on the night they parted."

* * * * *

AN INDUCEMENT.

"WANTED, Nurse, L30, for three children, 13