ter than that in three months.

* * * * *

"The smallness of the members present was due in large measure to
the war."

_Edinburgh Evening Despatch._

The shortage of food, due to the German blockade, is at last making
itself felt.--[_Wireless from Berlin._]

* * * * *

Illustration: THE HISTORY OF A PAIR OF MITTENS.

* * * * *

Illustration: "WAAL, IT'S THIS WAY. WE AMURRICANS DON'T TAKE NO
SIDES--WE'RE AB-SO-LOOTLY NOOTRAL. WE DON' GIVE A ROW O' BEANS WHICH OF
YOU KNOCKS THE KAISER OUT."

* * * * *

SAFEGUARDS.

It was the special terms to Special Constables that tempted me--and I
fell.

I don't just remember how many times I fell, but it was pretty nearly as
often as the "Professor" of the wily art took hold of me. Before the
first lesson was over, falling became more than a mere pastime with me,
it grew into a serious occupation.

So I left the jiu-jitsu school at the end of the second lesson with a
nodding acquaintance with some very pretty holds and a very firm
determination to practise them on Alfred when he got back to the office
next day from Birmingham.

* * *

I suppose I ought to have persevered with my lessons a little longer,
but I was losing my self-respect, and felt that nothing would help me to
gain it better than to cause somebody else to do the falling for a bit.

Alfred is six-foot-two, but a trifle weedy-looking, and so good-tempered
that I knew he wouldn't resent being practised on.

As he came in I advanced with outstretched hand to meet him.

"How goes it?" he said cheerily, holding out his hand.

"Like this," I said, as I gripped his right wrist instead of his
fingers, turned to the left till I was abreast of him, inserted my left
arm under his right, gripped the lapel of his coat with my left hand and
turning his wrist downward with my right, pressed his arm back. To
attack unexpectedly is the great thing.

"Don't be a funny ass," said Alfred, as I lifted myself out of the
waste-paper basket.

How I got there I wasn't quite sure, but concluded that I had muffed the
business with my left arm by not inserting it well above his elbow for
the leverage.

"Sorry," I said; "the new handshake. Everybody's doing it."

"Are they?" said Alfred. "Well, I've been having some lessons in
etiquette myself the last few days from a naval man I m