Confessed--so truthful ARNOLD tells--
_He'd never heard of H. G. WELLS!_

This ghastly ignorance, alas!
Of that renowned investigator,
Whom every age and every class
Hails as its only educator,
Is no experience isolated,
But can be promptly duplicated.

The only Mayor I know--at least
I know by sight--a splendid creature,
Whose presence at a civic feast
Is always a conspicuous feature,
Has lately in his favourite organ
Proclaimed his ignorance of DE MORGAN.

Again, the other day I ran
Against a friend ('twas in Long Acre),
A simple estimable man--
He plies the trade of undertaker--
Who filled me with dismay and awe
By asking, "Who is BERNARD SHAW?"

My hatter, too, who ranks among
The leaders of his useful calling,
Shows in regard to FILSON YOUNG
An apathy that's quite appalling,
For this benighted, blighted hatter
Has never read _The Things that Matter_!

Saddest of all, a Don I know,
A man of curious futile learning,
Studied JANE AUSTEN long ago
With admiration undiscerning,
Till _Mr. Bennett_, thanks to JANE,
Ousted all others from his brain.

* * * * *

THE OLD BULLDOG BREED.

_The Wavecrest Hydro, Hastings._

_To the Editor of "Punch."_

Dear Sir,--I have on several previous occasions communicated to you some
instructive and illuminating examples of the extraordinary intelligence
of my dog Boanerges, but so far (doubtless owing to extreme pressure on
your space) you have not been able to publish them.

In view of the present grave national emergency, however, I feel
confident that you will be able to find space for the latest instance.

Boanerges is of the old bulldog breed; that is to say, he is not
precisely a bulldog, but inherits the breed from one of his
grandfathers. Superficially he presents more the appearance of a
wire-haired retriever pom, and it has been difficult to classify him at
Dog Shows. Indeed, I have claimed for him (though unsuccessfully up to
the present) a new class, viz., Pom-Poms. _The Canine Chronicle_ lent me
the weight of its editorial support, suggesting as an alternative name:
Dum-Dums, or Soft-Nosed Bullettes, but I fear me it was scarcely
dignified enough to carry weight with the authorities.

However, all that is by the way. His heart is in the right place. No
WILHELM shall land upon Hastings soil while Boanerges guards the beach.

To resu