ed, and cultured
English. I leave slang to those who can get by with it and put it over.
So where I have used dashes you may use your favorite slang words. Mine
were deleted by the censors.

[Sidenote: _No. 3 (a)_]

Mrs. Ima Gobbler is not really fat enough to be called a fat--! She is
only 40 or 50 pounds overweight, but she is fond of me and I took
liberties with her. She is a darling.

[Sidenote: _No. 3 (b)_]

She is a purist, too. I called her up after I put her in my book, and I
said, "You are fond of me, aren't you, Mrs. Gobbler?" And she said,
"Youbetcha." "And you are a good sport, aren't you?" "Surest thing you
know!" "That's good, for I have said a horrid thing to you. I had to,
in order to stop the club discussion." And she responded soulfully, "Go
to it, Kid!"

[Sidenote: _No. 4_]

Mrs. Sheesasite's husband did not really have to buy her a pair of
freight scales; that is just a gentle josh. The ordinary scales will
weigh 300 pounds, I believe. She is also a dear.

[Sidenote: _No. 5_]

My husband's eyes are not really green, nor is he cross-eyed. They are
the loveliest, softest brown. The green eyes belong on the maternal side
of this house.

[Sidenote: _No. 6_]

My artist is not really noted. He is just an ordinary adorable
ten-year-old boy kiddie. Aren't his little figures the dearest ever?

* * * * *

[Sidenote: _Doing My Bit_]

All the characters in my book are friends of mine. Perhaps you had
better substitute _were_ for _are_. There was one woman mentioned in my
original manuscript and my husband said what have you put her in for
Pattie? (a corruption of Pettie, a H.moon hangover) she is no friend of
yours: she knocks you. And I said loftily like, I want you to know Ijit
(corruption of Idiot, also a H.moon hangover) I am above personalities
she is prominent and besides she is fat especially in the feet and head
and she doesn't know it and he said that doesn't make any difference you
do not have to immortalize her and I said I would look up the
authorities on the subject and he said he was authority enough and I
said I would see what the other authorities said anyway and I did and I
found one most eminent that said you should love your enemies but none
that said you should immortalize them so I said I'd drop her and he said
he should say so and so I did.

[Illustration: Dear Enemy Unimmortalised]

--All the characters in my book are friends of mine. Per