Peter. Then she slowly tore letter and envelope into little bits.
"He would know," she said to herself. "I haven't any real right to
tell him. It would be just as bad as any kind of tattling."
She began another letter to him but found she could not write without
saying what was in her heart, and so went to bed uncomforted. There
was nothing in her experience to help her in her relation to David.
His kiss on her lips had taught her the nature of such kisses: had
made her understand suddenly the ease with which the strange, sweet
spell of sex is cast. She related it to the episode of the unwelcome
caress bestowed upon her by the brother of Maggie Lou, and that half
forgotten incident took on an almost terrible significance. She
understood now how she should have repelled that unconscionable boy,
but that understanding did not help her with the problem of her Uncle
David. Though the thought of it thrilled through her with a strange
incredible delight, she did not want another kiss of his upon her
lips.
"It's--it's--like that," she said to herself. "I want it to be from
somebody--else. Somebody _realer_ to me. Somebody that would make it
seem right." But even to herself she mentioned no names.
She had definitely decided against going to college. She felt that she
must get upon her own feet quickly and be under no obligation to any
man. Vaguely her stern New England rearing was beginning to indicate
the way that she should tread. No man or woman who did not understand
"the value of a dollar," was properly equipped to do battle with the
realities of life. The value of a dollar, and a clear title to
it--these were the principles upon which her integrity must be founded
if she were to survive her own self-respect. Her Puritan fathers had
bestowed this heritage upon her. She had always felt the irregularity
of her economic position; now that the complication of her relation
with David had arisen, it was beginning to make her truly
uncomfortable.
David had been very considerate of her, but his consideration
frightened her. He had been so afraid that she might be hurt or
troubled by his attitude toward her that he had explained again, and
almost in so many words that he was only waiting for her to grow
accustomed to the idea before he asked her to become his wife. She had
looked forward with considerable trepidation to the Easter vacation
following the establishment of their one-sided understanding, but
David relieved
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