, and who is very close to me and
you in quite another way. Please don't try to imagine what I mean,
Uncle Peter--even if you know, you must tell yourself that you don't
know. Please, please pretend even to yourself that I haven't written
you this letter. I know people do tell things like this, but I don't
know quite how they bring themselves to do it, even if they have
somebody like you who understands everything--everything.
"Uncle Peter, dear, I am supposed to be going to be married by and by
when the one who wants it feels that it can be spoken of, and until
that happens, I've got to wait for him to speak, unless I can find
some way to tell him that I do not want it ever to be. I don't know
how to tell him. I don't know how to make him feel that I do not
belong to him. It is only myself I belong to, and I belong to you, but
I don't know how to make that plain to any one who does not know it
already. I can't say it unless perhaps you can help me to.
"I am different from the other girls. I know every girl always thinks
there is something different about her, but I think there are ways in
which I truly am different. When I want anything I know more clearly
what it is, and why I want it than most other girls do, and not only
that, but I know now, that I want to keep myself, and everything I
think and feel and am,--_sacred_. There is an inner shrine in a
woman's soul that she must keep inviolate. I know that now.
"A liberty that you haven't known how, or had the strength to prevent,
is a terrible thing. One can't forget it. Uncle Peter, dear, twice in
my life things have happened that drive me almost desperate when I
think of them. If these things should happen again when I know that I
don't want them to, I don't think there would be any way of my bearing
it. Perhaps you can tell me something that will make me find a way out
of this tangle. I don't see what it could be, but lots of times you
have shown me the way out of endless mazes that were not grown up
troubles like this, but seemed very real to me just the same.
"Uncle Peter, dear, dear, dear,--you are all I have. I wish you were
here to-night, though you wouldn't be let in, even if you beat on the
gate ever so hard, for it's long after bedtime. I am up in my tower
room all alone. Oh! answer this letter. Answer it quickly, quickly."
* * * * *
Eleanor read her letter over and addressed a tear splotched envelope
to
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