held
Hayes' administration at arm's length, and never gone near them except
when he was on the "kick."

Then who did put Hayes into office?

--There were a good many in the job. Thirty-three in Florida and
seventy-two in Louisiana; Garfield and John Sherman, chief
"engineers."

Do you mean to say that the man nominated by the Republicans for
President, and the Secretary of the Treasury countenanced the men
who forced Hayes on the country?

--If not, why were rewards promised the rascals for doing it? When
the job was done, and Hayes inaugurated, every one of the scoundrels
was "provided for."

Didn't the other party protest?

--Of course they did. But it was the old story of the fly and spider.

In what way?

--The 'Pubs got the 'Crats to consent to have the difficulty settled
by an Electoral Commission and then euchred them.

How?

--Simple enough. There were eight 'Pubs on the Commission and seven
'Crats. They met. Up gets old Evarts. Says he to the Commissioners:
"Boys"--I mean--"Gentlemen! The first duty of a Judge, if he wants
very badly to find the 'cat in the bag,' is to look up the chimney."
Here he winked at the Judges on Joe Bradley's side. They say he looked
very much like Beecher, when he proved his innocence in Brooklyn.
"Therefore," says he, "if the involutionary concatenation of a
political residuum approximates to the concordant volitions of a
Republican effervescence, it is extra self-evident that judicial
investigation into supernumerary circumstantial totality, is beyond
the hypodermic flexal radiation of your illustrations." The argument
was short, but it settled the case!

But I don't understand a word of it.

--What does that matter? He didn't himself. But they voted on the
question all the same.

How did the vote go?

--Well, that _is_ a simple question! Why eight to seven, to be sure!
What he said was supposed to mean they had no right to take evidence.
The 'Pubs agreed with him. They said they were there to do nothing,
and intended to do it, and pay attention to it. They were eight. And
they voted eight--eight, eight, eight, eight--every time.

Well, but what had Garfield particularly to do with this?

--First of all he said in Congress: "The Commission is clothed with
power to hear and determine the vote of any state." * * * He declared
on his honor (!) that the Commission had power to go down into the
states and _review_ the act of every officer, to _open every ballot