the honest Republican people of the country.
I complain of the Republican politicians.

What is a "politician?"

--Sometimes an honest man like John Morrissey; hardly ever a fool;
generally a knave.

What do you mean by a political party?

--The term has two meanings. First, all the honest people of
the country who believe in a given set of political principles.
Secondly, it means all the political office-holders, _managers_
and wire-pullers, whose business is to throw dust in the eyes of
the non-politicians (_i. e._, the simple voters).

_In this latter sense_ how many parties are there?

--A good many people think there is only one.

To what party does Mr. Hayes belong?

--To the Orange party.

What is that?

--The temperance party that takes its rum in iced oranges.

Is he an able man?

--Yes; able to take a kicking from the Republicans better than any
other man in the country.

What do you mean by taking a kicking?

--Why, accepting the toe of the political boot.

Can you name any one who has operated on him in this delicate manner?

--Yes; Roscoe Conkling.

Would you call _him_ a good kicker or bootist?

--Yes; tip-top.

What proof have you of this?

--When Hayes and Sherman kicked Cornell out of office, Roscoe kicked
him back on them as governor of the state of New York. When they
kicked Arthur out of the custom-house, Roscoe kicked him into the
second place on the Republican ticket.

Any further proof?

--Yes; he kicked Evarts to New York to talk for Cornell, whom, as
before said, the administration kicked out. John Sherman was afraid
of his toe when he spoke lately at Washington _in favor_ of the man
whom he forced the President to kick out, saying he was unfit for
the office he held. At last it looks as if Roscoe was going to kick
himself into talking for Garfield, whom he despises.

Why should he do that?

--Oh! it's only the "machine" working.

I don't understand.

--Have you ever seen a bull trying to stop a locomotive?

No.

--Well, if ever you do, you'll see something like a politician trying
to butt against the "party," _alias_ the "machine."

Then is the great bootist afraid of the "machine?"

--I don't think he's afraid of anything. But he knows there's no use
kicking against _that_.

By the way, you said Hayes had been put into office without being
elected, had Conkling anything to do with that?

--No. He's too proud a man to stoop to any dirty work. He has