"

You mean, of course, troops that charge without cheering?

--Not much! I mean a corps of "crack"(s)men. They are also called the
"Stealthy Purloiners."

Can you mention any instances of Garfield's heroism?

--Loads! but one will be enough. A notorious freshwater buccaneer,
named R-be-s-n, had joined the ranks. He was just falling into the
hands of the enemy when Garfield seized him by the seat of his pants
and the collar of his jacket, and dragged him back into the lines.
The sight was too much for the enemy. They grounded arms and laughed
outright. Two or three of the men, however, "potted" the heroic
Garfield; he was again wounded just to the right of the end of the
spinal column!

Please give me one more instance?

--He held the Black Friday bridge against the assault of the banking
and currency column. (Committee.) He reduced the enemy at one blow
from 25,000 to 250.

Good gracious! How? With a sword-stroke?

--No! with a lead pencil!

Do you mean he annihilated 20,000 men?

--No! dollars!

Explain, if you please.

--Certainly. Some one high up--very high up--stood in to the tune of
$25,000 in the Fisk and Gould arrangement when they made a "corner"
in gold. The money was sent by express. The manager of the express
company assured the committee, there was no such entry in the book to
Mrs. G----. Sunset Cox astonished them with some of his "reflected"
light. He asked for the book and read out: Mrs. U. S. G., Wh--te
Ho--se, money package, value $25,000.

Dear me!

--Yes, and dear me, too! Wait a minute! Up jumps _Mentor_ Garfield
and says: It's only a slight mistake--evidently a mistake--the dot
ought to be removed one figure to the right, thus $250.00. Presto!
Gentlemen! Two hundred and fifty dollars you see, instead of
twenty-five thousand. His pals remembered this, especially Grant,
and he turned him loose on the Democratic majorities in Louisiana
to do the same work.

He must be the very devil at figures.

--Just so; but that was _wiping out_ a majority in both cases. In
November he'll have to try his hand at figuring up a majority where
it doesn't exist. Some difference between the two [ahem!] some
_slight_ difference.

I suppose you allude to the election?

--Pre ... cisely!

What is Mr. Garfield doing now?

--Playing the cat.

What do you mean?

--Trying to cover up the record behind him.

I don't see the allusion?

--That kind of allusion is seen through the _nose_.

Do