nce observed his brother's
exhilarated condition, and on entering the arbor he saw half a bottle of
brandy and a wineglass on the table.

"That's brandy," Mitya laughed. "I see your look: 'He's drinking again!'
Distrust the apparition.

Distrust the worthless, lying crowd,
And lay aside thy doubts.

I'm not drinking, I'm only 'indulging,' as that pig, your Rakitin, says.
He'll be a civil councilor one day, but he'll always talk about
'indulging.' Sit down. I could take you in my arms, Alyosha, and press you
to my bosom till I crush you, for in the whole world--in reality--in
re-al-i-ty--(can you take it in?) I love no one but you!"

He uttered the last words in a sort of exaltation.

"No one but you and one 'jade' I have fallen in love with, to my ruin. But
being in love doesn't mean loving. You may be in love with a woman and yet
hate her. Remember that! I can talk about it gayly still. Sit down here by
the table and I'll sit beside you and look at you, and go on talking. You
shall keep quiet and I'll go on talking, for the time has come. But on
reflection, you know, I'd better speak quietly, for here--here--you can
never tell what ears are listening. I will explain everything; as they
say, 'the story will be continued.' Why have I been longing for you? Why
have I been thirsting for you all these days, and just now? (It's five
days since I've cast anchor here.) Because it's only to you I can tell
everything; because I must, because I need you, because to-morrow I shall
fly from the clouds, because to-morrow life is ending and beginning. Have
you ever felt, have you ever dreamt of falling down a precipice into a
pit? That's just how I'm falling, but not in a dream. And I'm not afraid,
and don't you be afraid. At least, I am afraid, but I enjoy it. It's not
enjoyment though, but ecstasy. Damn it all, whatever it is! A strong
spirit, a weak spirit, a womanish spirit--whatever it is! Let us praise
nature: you see what sunshine, how clear the sky is, the leaves are all
green, it's still summer; four o'clock in the afternoon and the stillness!
Where were you going?"

"I was going to father's, but I meant to go to Katerina Ivanovna's first."

"To her, and to father! Oo! what a coincidence! Why was I waiting for you?
Hungering and thirsting for you in every cranny of my soul and even in my
ribs? Why, to send you to father and to her, Katerina Ivanovna, so as to
have done with her and with father. To send an