st own I see some danger), I am willing to go on
upon our present footing; but as I cannot expect to live many years,
every moment to me is precious, & I hope I may be allow'd sometimes to
be my own master, & pass my time according to my own inclination,
either by going my fishing parties on the Thames or by going to London
to attend the Museum, R. Society, the Tuesday Club, & Auctions of
pictures. I mean to have a light chariot or post chaise by the month,
that I may make use of it in London and run backwards and forwards to
Merton or to Shepperton, &c. This is my plan, and we might go on very
well, but I am fully determined not to have more of the very silly
altercations that happen but too often between us and embitter the
present moments exceedingly. If realy one cannot live comfortably
together, a _wise_ and well _concerted separation_ is preferable; but
I think, considering the probability of my not troubling any party
long in this world, the best for us all wou'd be to bear those ills we
have rather than flie to those we know not of. I have fairly stated
what I have on my mind. There is no time for nonsense or trifling. I
know and admire your talents & many excellent qualities, but I am not
blind to your defects, and confess having many myself; therefore let
us bear and forbear for God's sake."[47]

There are other accounts by eye-witnesses of the home life at Merton,
in which participated, from time to time, not only the many outside
guests, of whose burden Hamilton complained, but also most of the
members of the Nelson family. Lord Minto, who had returned to England
from Vienna, and whose personal friendship to Nelson never slackened,
wrote to his wife, in March, 1802: "I went to Lord Nelson's on
Saturday to dinner, and returned to-day in the forenoon. The whole
establishment and way of life are such as to make me angry, as well as
melancholy; but I cannot alter it, and I do not think myself obliged,
or at liberty, to quarrel with him for his weakness, though nothing
shall ever induce me to give the smallest countenance to Lady
Hamilton. She looks ultimately to the chance of marriage, as Sir
William will not be long in her way, and she probably indulges a hope
that she may survive Lady Nelson; in the meanwhile she and Sir
William, and the whole set of them, are living with him at his
expense. She is in high looks, but more immense than ever. The love
she makes to Nelson is not only ridiculous, but disgusting: