his present position, without wronging
the affection and reverence which he undoubtedly felt for his old
comrade, and which in the past he had shown by the moral courage that
even ventured to utter a remonstrance, against the infatuation that
threatened to stain his professional honor.

Such straining of personal relations constantly accompanies accession
to office; many are the friendships, if they can be called such, which
cannot endure the experience that official action may not always be
controlled by them. If such is to be noted in Nelson, it is because he
was no exception to the common rule, and it is sad that a man so great
should not in this have been greater than he was. St. Vincent felt it
necessary to tell him, with reference to the difficulty of granting
some requests for promotion, "Encompassed as I am by applications and
presumptuous claims, I have nothing for it but to act upon the
defensive, as your Lordship will be compelled to do, whenever you are
placed in the situation I at present fill." This Nelson contents
himself with quoting; but of Troubridge he says: "Troubridge has so
completely prevented my mentioning any body's service, that I am
become a cypher, and he has gained a victory over Nelson's spirit.
Captain Somerville has been begging me to intercede with the Admiralty
again; but I have been so _rebuffed_, that my spirits are gone, and
the _great_ Troubridge has what we call _cowed_ the spirits of Nelson;
but I shall never forget it. He told me if I asked anything more that
I should get nothing. No wonder I am not well."

The refusal of the Admiralty to give him leave to come to London,
though founded on alleged motives of state, he thinks absurd. "They
are beasts for their pains," he says; "it was only depriving me of one
day's comfort and happiness, for which they have my hearty prayers."
His spleen breaks out in oddly comical ways. "I have a letter from
Troubridge, recommending me to wear flannel shirts. Does he care for
me? _No_; but never mind." "Troubridge writes me, that as the weather
is set in fine again, he hopes I shall get walks on shore. He is, I
suppose, laughing at me; but, never mind." Petulant words, such as
quoted, and others much more harsh, used to an intimate friend, are of
course to be allowed for as indicating mental exasperation and the
excitement of baffled longings, rather than expressing permanent
feeling; but still they illustrate mental conditions more faithfully