ourse--and,
last, as a punishment.

A man's idea of "preserving the unities" is to find out what side of an
argument his wife is on, and then take the other side, in order to keep
it from sagging.

After a bachelor's heart has been patched up, cut down and remodeled to
fit the romantic ideal of one girl after another, there is seldom enough
of it left to go all the way around the honeymoon.

There is no question of degree in matrimony. You can be a little bit in
love or a little bit ill; but you can't be a little bit married or a
little bit dead.

Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment
in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.

If your husband is wrapped up in his work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M. you
needn't bother to investigate his morals. Satan wouldn't waste his
talents trying to tempt a man with so little time and energy for the
devil's business.

You can't argue, frighten or nag a man into loving you just because he
"ought to"--because, dearie, love is not exactly a man's feeling for a
thought-censor, a creditor or a critic-on-the-hearth.

There are more ways of killing a man's love than by strangling it to
death--but that's the usual way.

In matters of the heart most men are still in a state of barbarism,
slightly tempered by woman.

A man is never old until his spirit is worn out, his rosy hopes have
turned gray, his illusions have faded and he has wrinkles on his heart.

An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money,
his digestion in good condition and his wife in the country.

Every time a man hits a woman's vanity he makes a dent in her love.

A man's first lie wounds a woman's heart, the second breaks it, the
third mends it, and all the rest simply harden it.

Dissimulation is the price of peace--but it's awfully hard for a married
woman to preserve the peace by deceiving her husband into thinking that
he is deceiving her, every time he tries.

Of course men are not so suspicious as women. A woman in love would be
jealous of a store dummy; but how can a man possibly suspect that any
girl on whom he may bestow himself could ever think of anybody else?

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a
beautiful woman fascinates him--but the considerate woman _gets_ him.

There never was a man too nearsighted to see the look of admiration in a
pretty woman's eyes.

WIFE: The woman from whom a man failed to escape and