But, somehow, from her looks--boo--hoo----
I thought she kind o' wished me to!"

WILLIAM PITT PALMER.

A RENDITION

Two old British sailors were talking over their shore experience. One
had been to a cathedral and had heard some very fine music, and was
descanting particularly upon an anthem which gave him much pleasure. His
shipmate listened for awhile, and then said:

"I say, Bill, what's a hanthem?"

"What," replied Bill, "do you mean to say you don't know what a hanthem
is?"

"Not me."

"Well, then, I'll tell yer. If I was to tell yer, 'Ere, Bill, give me
that 'andspike,' that wouldn't be a hanthem;' but was I to say, 'Bill,
Bill, giv, giv, give me, give me that, Bill, give me, give me that hand,
handspike, hand, handspike, spike, spike, spike, ah-men, ahmen. Bill,
givemethat-handspike, spike, ahmen!' why, that would be a hanthem."

B. P. SHILLABER ("Mrs. Partington")

FANCY DISEASES

"Diseases is very various," said Mrs. Partington, as she returned from a
street-door conversation with Doctor Bolus. "The Doctor tells me that
poor old Mrs. Haze has got two buckles on her lungs! It is dreadful to
think of, I declare. The diseases is so various! One way we hear of
people's dying of hermitage of the lungs; another way, of the brown
creatures; here they tell us of the elementary canal being out of order,
and there about tonsors of the throat; here we hear of neurology in the
head, there, of an embargo; one side of us we hear of men being killed
by getting a pound of tough beef in the sarcofagus, and there another
kills himself by discovering his jocular vein. Things change so that I
declare I don't know how to subscribe for any diseases nowadays. New
names and new nostrils takes the place of the old, and I might as well
throw my old herb-bag away."

Fifteen minutes afterward Isaac had that herb-bag for a target, and
broke three squares of glass in the cellar window in trying to hit it,
before the old lady knew what he was about. She didn't mean exactly what
she said.

BAILED OUT

"So, our neighbour, Mr. Guzzle, has been arranged at the bar for
drunkardice," said Mrs. Partington; and she sighed as she thought of his
wife and children at home, with the cold weather close at hand, and the
searching winds intruding through the chinks in the windows, and waving
the tattered curtain like a banner, where the little ones stood
shivering by the faint embers. "God forgive him, and pity them!" sa