were very uneasy about the unprotected situation of their city,
which was exposed to attack and bombardment by rebel rams; and they
requested him to detail a gun-boat to defend the city. The gentlemen
were fifty in number, very dignified and respectable in appearance, and
stated that they represented in their own right $100,000,000. Lincoln
did not wish to offend these gentlemen, and yet he intended to give them
a little lesson. He listened with great attention, and seemed to be much
impressed by their presence and their statements. Then he replied, very
deliberately: "Gentlemen, I am by the Constitution commander-in-chief of
the army and navy of the United States; and, as a matter of law, can
order anything done that is practicable to be done. But, as a matter of
fact, I am not in command of the gun-boats or ships of war; as a matter
of fact, I do not know exactly where they are, but presume they are
actively engaged. It is impossible for me, in the present condition of
things, to furnish you a gun-boat. The credit of the Government is at a
very low ebb; greenbacks are not worth more than forty or fifty cents on
the dollar; and in this condition of things, if I was worth half as much
as you, gentlemen, are represented to be, and as badly scared as you
seem to be, I _would build a gun-boat and give it to the Government._" A
gentleman who accompanied the delegation says he never saw one hundred
millions sink to such insignificant proportions, as the committee
recrossed the threshold of the White House, sadder but wiser men.

"Mr. Lincoln had his joke and his 'little story' over the disruption of
the Democracy. He once knew, he said, a sound churchman, of the name of
Brown, who was the member of a very sober and pious committee, having
in charge the erection of a bridge over a dangerous and rapid river.
Several architects had failed, and at last Brown said he had a friend
named Jones who had built several bridges, and could undoubtedly build
that one. So Mr. Jones was called in. 'Can you build this bridge?'
inquired the committee. 'Yes,' replied Jones, 'or any other. I could
build a bridge to h--l, if necessary.' The committee were shocked, and
Brown felt called upon to defend his friend. 'I know Jones so well,'
said he, 'and he is so honest a man, and so good an architect, that if
he states soberly and positively that he can build a bridge to ... to
... the infernal regions, why, I believe it; but I feel bound to say
that