t way?" persisted the Bibliomaniac.

"In two ways," replied the Idiot. "Such persons are constantly in demand
as Janitors of cheap apartment houses which are going up with marvelous
rapidity on all sides of us, and as Editors of ten-cent magazines, of
which on the average there are, I believe, five new ones started every
day of the year, including Saturdays, Sundays and legal holidays."

"I say, Mr. Idiot," said the Doctor later. "That was a bully idea of
yours about the University Intelligence Office. It would be a lot of
help to the thousands of youngsters who are graduated every year--but I
don't think it's practicable just yet. What I wanted to ask you is if
you could help me with Bill?"

"Certainly I can," said the Idiot.

"Really?" cried the Doctor.

"Yes, indeed," said the Idiot. "I can help you a lot."

"How? What shall I do?" asked the Doctor.

"Take my advice," whispered the Idiot. "Let Bill alone. He'll find
himself. You can tell that by his answer."

"Oh!" said the Doctor, lapsing into solemnity. "I thought you could give
me a material suggestion as to what to do with the boy."

"Ah! You want something specific, eh?" said the Idiot.

"Yes," said the Doctor.

"Well--get him a job as a Campaign Speaker. This is a great year for the
stump," said the Idiot.

"That isn't bad," said the Doctor. "Which side?"

"Either," said the Idiot. "Or both. Bill has adaptability and, between
you and me, from what I hear on the street _both_ sides are going to win
this year. If they do, Bill's fortune is made."

THE COUNTRY SCHOOL

ANONYMOUS

Put to the door--the school's begun--
Stand in your places every one,--
Attend,----

* * * * *

Read in the Bible,--tell the place,--
_Job twentieth and the seventeenth varse_--
Caleb, begin. _And--he--shall--suck_--
_Sir,--Moses got a pin and stuck_--
Silence,--stop Caleb--Moses! here!
What's this complaint? _I didn't, Sir_,--
Hold up your hand,--What, is't a pin?
_O dear, I won't do so again._
Read on. _The increase of his h-h-horse_--
Hold: H,O,U,S,E, spells house.
_Sir, what's this word? for I can't tell it._
Can't you indeed! Why, spell it. _Spell it._
Begin yourself, I say. _Who, I?_
Yes, try. Sure you can spell it. _Try._
Go, take your seats and primers, go,
You sha'n't abuse the Bible so.

_Will pray Sir Master mend my pen?_
Say, Master, that's enough.--Here Ben,
Is