is is
wery good weal," &c., were too intolerable to be retained. Moreover,
there has been a very able schoolmaster at work during the past forty
years. This schoolmaster is no other than the loquacious Mr. _Punch_,
from whose works we quote a few admirable exercises:

i. Low Cockney.--"Seen that party lately?" "What! the party with the
wooden leg, as come with--" "No, no--not that party. The party, you
know, as--" "Oh! ah! I know the party you mean, now." "Well, a party
told me as he can't agree with that other party, and he says that if
another party can't be found to make it all square, he shall look
out for a party as will."--(_And so on for half an hour._)

ii. Police.--"Lor, Soosan, how's a feller to eat meat such weather
as this! Now, a bit o' pickled salmon and cowcumber, or a lobster
salid, _might_ do."

iii. Cockney Yachtsman.--(Example of affectation.) Scene: the
Regatta Ball.--"I say, Tom, what's that little craft with the black
velvet flying at the fore, close under the lee scuppers of the
man-of-war?" "Why, from her fore-and-aft rig, and the cut of her
mainsail, I should say she's down from the port of London; but I'll
signal the commodore to come and introduce us!"

iv. Omnibus Driver.--_Old acquaintance_. "'Ave a drop, Bill?"
_Driver._ "Why, yer see, Jim, this 'ere young hoss has only been in
'arness once afore, and he's such a beggar to bolt, ten to one if I
leave 'im he'll be a-runnin' hoff, and a smashin' into suthun.
Howsoever--here--(_handing reins to a timid passenger_)--lay hold,
sir, I'LL CHANCE IT!"

v. Costermonger (_to extremely genteel person_).--"I say, guv'ner,
give us a hist with this 'ere bilin' o' greens!" (A large hamper of
market stuff.)

vi. Genteel Cockney (_by the seaside_).--_Blanche._ "How grand, how
solemn, dear Frederick, this is! I really think the ocean is more
beautiful under this aspect than under any other!"
_Frederick_.--"H'm--ah! Per-waps. By the way, Blanche, there's a
fella shwimping. S'pose we ask him if he can get us some pwawns for
breakfast to-mowaw mawning?"

vii. Stuck-up Cockney.--(_Small Swell enters a tailor's shop_.)
"A--Brown, A--want some more coats!" _Snip_. "Yes, sir. Thank you,
sir. How many would you please to want?" _Small Swell_. "A--let me
see; A--ll have eight. A--no, I'll have nine; and look here!