I did
adventure upon God's pardoning me this lie, knowing how heavy a
thing it would be for me, to the ruin of the poor girl, and next
knowing that if my wife should know all it would be impossible
for her ever to be at peace with me again, and so our whole lives
would be uncomfortable. The girl read, and as I bid her returned
me the note, flinging it to me in passing by." Next day, however,
he is "mightily troubled," for his wife has obtained a confession
from the girl of the kissing. For some nights Mr. and Mrs. Pepys
are both sleepless, with much weeping on either side. Deb gets
another place, leaving on the 14th of November, and Pepys is
never able to see her before she leaves the house, his wife
keeping him always under her eye. It is evident that Pepys now
feels strongly attracted to Deb, though there is no evidence of
this before she became the subject of the quarrel. On the 13th of
November, hearing she was to leave next day, he writes: "The
truth is I have a good mind to have the maidenhead of this girl."
He was, however, the "more troubled to see how my wife is by this
means likely forever to have her hand over me, and that I shall
forever be a slave to her--that is to say, only in matters of
pleasure." At the same time his love for his wife was by no means
diminished, nor hers for him. "I must here remark," he says,
"that I have lain with my moher [i.e., _muger_, wife] as a
husband more times since this falling out than in, I believe,
twelve months before. And with more pleasure to her than in all
the time of our marriage before." The next day was Sunday. On
Monday Pepys at once begins to make inquiries which will put him
on the track of Deb. On the 18th he finds her. She gets up into
the coach with him, and he kisses her and takes liberties with
her, at the same time advising her "to have a care of her honor
and to fear God," allowing no one else to do what he has done; he
also tells her how she can find him if she desires. Pepys now
feels that everything is settled satisfactorily, and his heart
is full of joy. But his joy is short-lived, for Mrs. Pepys
discovers this interview with Deb on the following day. Pepys
denies it at first, then confesses, and there is a more furious
scene than ever. Pepys is now really alarmed, for his wife
threatens to leave him; he d