on the impossibility of any person swallowing a
reptile unawares. "Observe those water-cresses of which you have been
partaking so freely, madam," said the microscopic man. "Beneath each
leaf I discern _ova_ of things that it might horrify you to enumerate in
full. Suffice it to say, then, for the present, that on the leaves of
this small sprig culled by me at random from the cluster, are to be
detected the germs of the _trigonocephalus contortrix_, than which, when
fully developed, no more deadly reptile wriggles upon earth. See this
minute agglomeration of yellowish specks on the stalk of the cress.
These are the eggs of the _lacerta horrida_, a lizard that within the
large warts with which its epidermis is studded secretes a poison of the
most virulent character. Others, too, I discern, but they are too
disagreeable to dwell upon--not to speak of one having _them_ dwell
inside one, instead--ha! ha! Now, remember that all these germs are
hatched by gentle warmth. No degree of temperature that we know of is
more gentle than that of the human stom--"

At this point the lady fainted, and the microscopic man was thrown
promptly out of the window by her husband, who has since been presented
by a committee of grateful citizens with a gold-mounted cane, as a mark
of consideration for his services in ridding the world of a monster.

* * * * *

"GREEK MEETS GREEK."

Oh, lovers of your lager beer,
Drinkers of wine and ale,
Ye editors and ministers,
Come listen to my tale,
And learn the very slight basis
Characters are built on,
By reading of the fight between
FULTON and friend TILTON.

In New York City, Broadway street,
Friend FULTON took his way,
Squinting in ev'ry restaurant,
For it was then mid-day;
He saw a bottle on a stand,
With words all in gilt on,
While right before that awful stand
Guzzling wine sat TILTON.

On Sunday night, while walking down
Bow'ry to the ferry,
TILTON did spy a lager shop
Where the folks were merry,
And saw a sight that op'd his eyes,
For, in that beery vat,
Nine lagers foaming by his side,
Reverend FULTON sat.

With spirit sword bound at his side,
And his hand the hilt on,
Brave FULTON smote at hip and thigh
Of our little TILTON;
Then TILTON took a mighty quill,
Called FULTON a liar,
FULTON too