bats to live in. It will be
a just judgment on you; and small will be to you the consolation should
some poetical friend pen an epigrammatical threnody to your memory,
telling in "In Memoriam" stanzas how you "went up like a thousand of
bricks."

"Beef?" says the microscopic man, probing the meat with a pencil of
light that beams from his right eye (the other being closed for
concentration purposes), "Beef, sir?--not a bit of the _bos taurus_
about it, sir. Horse, donkey, mule, zebra--what you will, but not a
single fibre of ox. Did you ever see the fibres of beef run in a
direction due north and south, like these? If you did I should like to
know it, sir. I inspected this meat raw, sir, to-day, on the butcher's
stall, and the minute _ova_ perceptible in it were those of the horse
gad-fly, not the ox gad-fly, sir. Yes, begad, sir, and I'm prepared to
maintain the fact upon oath, sir."

Porter and other malt liquors are favorite subjects for the analysis of
the microscopic man. As you are placidly enjoying your pint of
GUINNESS'S brown stout, he will look at you for minutes with a
compassionate smile. Then, suddenly plunging into his favorite horror
knee-deep, he will ask you if you know what becomes of all the ends of
smoked-out cigars. Of course you submit that little boys pick them up
and smoke them to everlasting annihilation. "Pshaw! sir," exclaims the
microscopic person; "there is a man in the City of Dublin, sir--I
believe he is a baronet now, but will not force that as a fact--and he
made an enormous fortune by going about the streets at early dawn and
picking up all the cigar-stumps he could find, and they were not few, as
you may suppose, in that smokingest of cities. He used to furnish these
by the ton to old GUINNESS, who used them for giving color and body to
his famous 'Stout.' Body?--I should think so rather!--but only think
where the body came from! Just recall to mind the filthiest gutter that
ever you saw in your life, with the numerous ends of cigars that you
perfectly remember having observed sweltering in it, and then take
another pull at your GUINNESS, sir, and I wish you joy of it, sir!"

Once we remember to have heard the subject of the possibility of lizards
snakes, frogs, and other cheerful reptiles having resided for indefinite
periods in the stomachs of human subjects, discussed in the presence of
the microscopic man. A lady of the party was skeptical on the subject,
dwelling especially up