mont_, then took me under his
charge. I found him one of them _noble_ docters, under whose
perscriptions a man could enjoy 'kickin the bucket.'

He took me to see the soljers drill.

"Thems the Marines," said he, pintin to the bloo cotes.

"Sho! you don't say?" says I. "Are them those obligin gentlemen who are
allways ready to listen to what is told 'em?"

"Yes," says the Dr.; "anything nobody else believes, we tell to the
Marines."

I mite okepy your hul paper tellin all about the war vessels, pattent
torpedoes, monitors, and sich, which I saw, but will close with the
remark:

That old rats never pile livlier onto roasted cheese, than a bread and
butter patriot does onto candidates who has the _cuttin_ of a good
_fat loaf_. That's wisdom which will wash.

Ewers,

HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,

_Lait Gustise of the Peece._

* * * * *

SIMILE USED UP.

We regret to state, that in consequence of a late discovery by one
BECHAMP, of living things in chalk (he has actually seen 'em wriggle!)
we are no longer at liberty to say, "As different as Chalk and Cheese."
The difference is gone! If it is not, we would ask, where is it?

It is true, chalk is not in so general use, as an article of diet, as
cheese, except in boarding-schools; but the difference is plainly one of
degree rather than of kind. We have heard of "prepared chalk." It has
been whispered that gentle spinsters use it for a beautifyer. We rather
incline to the belief that it is prepared for the inside rather than the
outside of humanity.

At any rate, the two articles now agree in their most prominent
characteristics--which they did not, till M. BECHAMP looked into the
matter with his microscope.

'Tis thus, alas! our cherished similes are going. One by one are they
Be-champ-ed (or chawed up) by the voracious creatures who hunger and
thirst after novelty. Why, we expect to be told, ere long,--and have it
proved to us,--that the Moon after all is actually and truly made of
Green Cheese. And there will go another fond comparison! Nay,
more;--perhaps Cheese itself is but Chalk, in its incipient stages of
development,--with the tenantry already secured, however, that make it
so lively inside.--_Si sic Omnes_.

* * * * *

To Our Youthful Friends.

We wish to do all in our power to keep the world cheerful. If there is a
youth of our acquaintance who despairs of ever raising a fine moustache,
we