The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 93,
August 20, 1887., by Various

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Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 93, August 20, 1887.

Author: Various

Release Date: June 30, 2010 [EBook #33036]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ASCII

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, AUGUST 20, 1887 ***

Produced by Neville Allen, Malcolm Farmer and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net

PUNCH,

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOLUME 93.

AUGUST 20, 1887.

* * * * *

THE PLEASANT TRAVELLER'S CONVERSATION-BOOK.

(_To be translated into French, German, and Italian, for the benefit of
Foreigners._)

IN THE TRAIN.

CONTINENTAL Railways are disgracefully mismanaged.

[Illustration]

This train does not travel at anything like the rate of our expresses.

The "Flying Scotchman" travels at 50, 100, or 150 (_according to fancy_)
miles the hour.

I object to smoking; also wish all the windows to be opened or closed
(_as the case may be_).

The foreign _buffet_ does not equal our refreshment-rooms.

A plate of soup, half a roast fowl, and mashed potatoes cannot compare
with what we call in England a "ham sandwich."

I object to the lamp being shaded, or insist upon the lamp being shaded
(_according to pleasure_).

Why are we stopping here? Why are we not stopping here?

It is disgraceful that we should stop here. It is disgraceful that we
should not stop here.

If this occurs again, I shall write to the papers.

AT THE STATION.

Why must I go here? Why may I not go here?

I insist upon going where I please.

I refuse to answer, as an impertinent question, "what I have to
declare."

I object to opening that trunk, that portmanteau, and that hat-box.

It is insolent to accuse me of smuggling. Where is the Chief of Police?

Have there been any orders to treat my luggage in this manner?

I complain that, as you have passed my boxes without examination, that I
should have ever been asked for my keys.

I will not take this omnibus, nor this fly, nor this cart.

I do not want to patronise any hotel.

Why do you no