ock.

* * *

THE SECOND POST.

[Received by the Chief of Police of Wichita, Kas.]

Der Sir: I am writing you to know if you have seen any thing of my wife
in Wichita. She run off from me and a feller told me he seen her in
Wichita having a big time. She is kinder Red Headed tolerable tall and
has got a prety Bust in fact she is perfectly made up and you mite know
of her by a Thing she has got tattooed on her rite thigh kindly in front
of her leg. I think they aimed it for a Hart with L. M. in it but they
kinder made a bum job of it and it is hard to make out what it is. If
you here of her let me know it at wounced and I will come rite up fur
her fur I want to See her bad. eny thing you let me no Surtenly will be
appreciate. Yours truly, (Name on File).

P. S.--I may come rite to Wichita myself and see if I can find her, but
you keep a look out fur her.

* * *

... What may interest you is that one of the Fords was owned by A. F.
Fender.

* * *

OPEN THE GATES!

Sir: That sound of hoof-beats heralds the arrival, to join the
Immortals, of Royal Ryder, a mounted copper in San Francisco.

G. Gray Shus.

* * *

Thanks to fifteen or twenty observant travelers for the info that the
manager of the drug department of the Alexander Drug Co. in Omaha is
George Salzgiver.

* * *

MISTER TOBIN, EDUCATOR.

A gentle, kindly man is he,
The soul of generosity;
Our little ones he gladly gives
The right to split infinitives.

The boys and girls who go to school
Approve of Mister Tobin's rule.
They find no cause to make complaint
At learning words like das't and ain't.

Two negatives has every boy,
And uses them with pride and joy
And every girl has utmost skill
In interchanging shall and will.

Those noble boys and girls decry
The priggish use of "It is I."
If you should ask, "Who was with he?"
They'd answer simply, "It was me."

Pantaletta.

* * *

It is not nice of readers to try to take advantage of our innocence.
M. L. J., for example, writes out the valve-handle wheeze in longhand
and assures us that "it is an exact copy of a letter received by a stove
manufacturing company in St. Louis, from a customer in Arkansas."

* * *

VARIANT OF THE VALVE-HANDLE WHEEZE.

(_Received