*

"Kind Captain, I've important information." Mr. Honkavaarra runs an
automobile livery in Palmer, Mich.

* * *

"The first child, Lord Blandford, was born in 1907; the second was born
in 1898."--Chicago American.

This so annoyed the Duke, that a reconciliation was never possible.

* * *

When your friend points with pride to a picture that, in your judgment,
leaves something to be desired, or when he exhibits the latest addition
to his family, you may be perplexed to voice an opinion that will
satisfy both him and your conscience. An artist friend of ours is never
at a loss. If it is a picture, he exclaims, "Extraordinary!" If it is an
infant, he remarks, "_There +is+ a baby!_"

He might add, with the English wit, "one more easily conceived than
described."

* * *

The advantages of a classical education are so obvious that the
present-day battle in its behalf seems a waste of energy. Frezzample,
without a classical education how could you appreciate the fact that Mr.
Odessey is now running a Noah's Ark candy kitchen in St. Peter, Wis.?

* * *

One may believe that the "gift of healing" is nothing more than the
application of imaginary balm to non-existent disease, but if one says
so he gets into a jolly row with people who consider an open mind
synonymous with credulity. Our own state of mind was accurately
described by Charles A. Dana: "I don't believe in ghosts," said he, "but
I've been afraid of them all my life."

* * *

The congregation will rise and sing:

Bill Bryan's heart is a-mouldering in the grave,
But his lungs go marching on.

* * *

The astronomer Hamilton "made an expedition to Dublin to substitute a
semi-colon for a colon"; but, reports J. E. R., "my wife's brother's
brother-in-law's doctor charged him $600 for removing only part of a
colon."

* * *

Few readers realize how much time is expended in making certain that
commas are properly distributed. Thomas Campbell walked six miles to a
printer's to have a comma in one of his poems changed to a semi-colon.

* * *

Following a bout with the gloves, a Seattle
clubman is reported "in a state of comma." A
doctor writes us that infection by the colon bacillus
can be excluded, but we should say that what
the patient needs is not a doctor but a proof
reader.

*