at a parish school with the notable's great uncle--on which
ground of acquaintanceship he would ask that the notable should
at once get him a post as Secretary of a Geological Society, or as
Inspector of Manufactories, or of Salmon Fisheries, or to a Commission
on the Trade of Knife-grinding.

Another notable he would tell that he had once been pointed out
to him in a railway station, therefore he was emboldened to ask
his correspondent to ask his Publisher, to get at the Editor of
the _Times_, and recommend him, SAUNDERS, as Musical Critic,
or Sub-editor, or Society Reporter. Nor did SAUNDERS neglect
Professorships, and vacant Chairs. His testimonials went in for all
of them. He was equally ready and qualified to be Professor of Greek,
Metaphysics, Etruscan, Chemistry, or the Use of the Globes, while
Biblical criticism and Natural Religion, prompted his wildest
yearnings. Though ignorant of foreign languages, he was prepared to
be a correspondent anywhere, and though he was purely unlearned in all
matters, he proposed to edit Dictionaries and Encyclopaedias, of course
with the assistance of a large and competent staff. His proofs of
capacity for a series of occupations that would have staggered a
CRICHTON, was always attested by his old College testimonials, for
SAUNDERS was of opinion that the courteous _obiter dictum_ of a
Professor was an Open Sesame to all the golden gates of the world.
Meanwhile, he supported existence by teaching the elements of the
classic languages, with which he had the most distant acquaintance, to
little boys, at a Day School. But one of these pupils came home, one
afternoon, in tears, having been beaten on the palms of the hands
with a leathern strap, in addition to the task of writing out the
verb [Greek: tupto]. This punishment was inflicted because, in
accordance with SAUNDERS'S instructions, he had represented the
Cyclops of Euripides as "sweeping the stars with a rake." The
original words of the Athenian poet do not bear this remarkable
construction, so SAUNDERS was dismissed from the only work which he
had ever made even a pretence of doing. He has not the energy, nor
the lungs necessary for the profession of an agitator; he has not
the grammar required in a penny-a-liner, he cannot cut hair, and his
manners unfit him for the occupation of a shop-assistant, so that
little is left open to SAUNDERS but the industry of the Blackmailer.
The office of Secretary to a Missionary in a Leper