esday Night._

Heaven help me! I have heard the words that sound my doom. I saw Dr.
Owen this morning. It is all true--my dream, and what I saw myself do in
the bowl of goldfish. True! I did those incredible things. I wore my red
dress and my black hat. I went to Captain Herrick's studio. I lay down
on the divan--everything is true. Oh, God, this is too horrible! How can
I ever face Christopher again? I wish I could die!

Dr. Owen questioned me about the name Fauvette--why did I ask
Christopher to call me Fauvette? I have no idea. I hate and despise that
name. It brings up memories that I wish might be forever blotted out of
my mind. That was the name Julian used to call me when he had been
drinking. He would pretend that I was another person, Fauvette, and
sometimes Fauvette would do things that I refused to do. Fauvette would
yield to his over-powering physical charm and would say dreadful things,
would enter into his mood and become just the sort of animal creature
that he wanted. It was like a madness.

_Wednesday morning._

I cried my eyes out last night and lay awake for hours thinking about my
unhappy life. All my pride and hopes have come to this--an irresponsible
mind. It makes no difference whether the cause is shell shock or
something else, the fact remains that my mind does not work properly--I
do things without knowing or remembering what I do. I am sure I cannot
live long--what have I to live for? I have made a will leaving my little
fortune to Chris--he will never know how much I care for him--and my
jewelry to Seraphine, except my silly thumb ring, which is for Roberta
Vallis. She loves it.

This afternoon _They_ came again. _They_ never were so bad. I was
walking down Fifth Avenue and, as I reached the cathedral, I thought I
would go in and say my prayers. I love the soft lights and the smell of
incense, but just at the door _They_ began insulting me.

"Little fool! Little fool! She is going to say her prayers. Ha, ha!"
They laughed.

I knelt down and breathed an old benediction, shutting my ears against
the Voices:

"_The peace of God which passeth all understanding--_"

"Fauvette! Fauvette!" _They_ mocked me.

"_Keep your hearts and minds in the knowledge and love of God--_"

"She's a pretty little devil. I like her mouth."

"_And of his son, Jesus Christ our Lord--_"

"Red dress! Red dress! Divan! Divan!"

"_And the blessing of God Almighty, the Father, the Son and the Holy
Ghost-