at. 'That's quare,' thinks I to myself; 'but, TERENCE,
me bhoy, 'tis you know the thricks av the women. Shoulder arrums,' I
thinks, 'and let fly wid the back sight.' Wid that I just squeezed her
hand wid the most dellikit av all squeezings, and, sez I, 'MARY, me
darlint,' I sez, 'ye're not vexed wid TERENCE, I know;' but you never
can tell the way av a woman, for before the words was over the tongue
av me, the bhoys kem raging an' ramshackling--"

"Really, O'RAMMIS," I ventured to observe, for I noticed that he
and his two friends had pulled all the other five bottles out of my
pocket, and had finished them, "I'm a little disappointed with you
to-day. I came out here for a little quiet blood-and-thunder before
going to bed, and you are mixing up your stories like the regimental
laundress's soapsuds. It's not right of you. Now, honestly, is it?"

But the Three Musketeers had vanished. Perhaps they may reappear,
bound in blue-grey on the railway bookstalls. Perhaps not. And the
worst of it is, that the Colonel will never understand them, and the
gentlemen who write articles will never understand them. There is
only one man who knows all about them, and even he is sometimes what
my friend O'RAMMIS calls "a blandandhering, philandhering,
misundherstandhering civilian man."

Which his name is KIPPIERD HERRING. And that is perfectly true.

* * * * *

SO MUCH FOR KNOTTING'EM.--The Dean of Rochester to be henceforth known
as The Dean of Knotting'em. His new motto,--

"Whack a 'Shack'
Smack on his back."

Perhaps the Dean would then like to make a Moslem of the lolloping
do-nothing offender, and call him "Shackaback."

* * * * *

[Illustration: WAITING FOR THE EXPRESS. (NOUS AVONS CHANGE TOUT CELA.)

FIRST-CLASS PASSENGERS:--SIR GORGIUS MIDAS, LADY MIDAS, AND GORGIUS
MIDAS, ESQ., JUNR.

SECOND-CLASS DITTO:--BUTLERS, FOOTMEN, GROOMS, MAIDS, &C, OF THE HOUSE
OF MIDAS.

THIRD-CLASS DITTO:--THE HON. AND REV. JAMES AND LADY SUSAN DE VERE,
GENERAL SIR JOHN AND LADY HAUTCASTLE, F. MADDER LAKE, ESQ., R.A., AND
DAUGHTERS, PROFESSOR PARALLAX, F.R.S., &C., &C., &C.]

* * * * *

"HERCULES (COUNTY) CONCILIANS;"

_OR, "APPROACHING" THE HYDRA._

[The London County Council adopted the Report of a Committee:
"That the Committee be authorised to enter into tentative
negotiations with the Water Companies, for the purpos