leading trustee, with a proposal to
board our students, and authorized me to publish--"as how Mr. James
Jimmy will take strange students--students not belonging to
Woodville--to board, at one dollar a week, and find everything, washing
included, and will black their _shoes_ three times a week to _boot_,
and--_give them their dog-wood and cherry-bitters every morning into the
bargain!_"

The most extraordinary candidate, however, was Mr. Solomon Rapid. He was
now somewhat advanced into the shaving age, and was ready to assume
offices the most opposite in character; although justice compels us to
say Mr. Rapid was as fit for one thing as another. Deeming it waste of
time to prepare for any station till he was certain of obtaining it, he
wisely demanded the place first, and then set to work to become
qualified for its duties, being, I suspect, the very man, or some
relation of his, who is recorded as not knowing whether he could read
Greek, as he had never tried. And, besides, Mr. Solomon Rapid contended
that all offices, from president down to fence-viewer, were open to
every white American citizen; and that every republican had a
blood-bought right to seek any that struck his fancy; and if the profits
were less, or the duties more onerous than had been anticipated, that a
man ought to resign and try another.

Naturally, therefore, Mr. Rapid thought he would like to sit in our
chair of languages, or have some employment in the State college; and
hence he called for that purpose on Dr. Sylvan, who, knowing the
candidate's character, maliciously sent him to me. Accordingly, the
young gentleman presented himself, and without ceremony, instantly made
known his business thus:

"I heerd, sir, you wanted somebody to teach the State school, and I'm
come to let you know I'm willing to take the place."

"Yes, sir, we are going to elect a professor of languages who is to be
the principal and a professor--"

"Well, I don't care which I take, but I'm willing to be the principal.
I can teach sifring, reading, writing, joggerfee, surveying, grammur,
spelling, definition, parsin--"

"Are you a linguist?"

"Sir?"

"You, of course, understand the dead languages?"

"Well, can't say I ever seed much of them, though I have heerd tell of
them; but I can soon larn them--they ain't more than a few of them I
allow?"

"Oh! my dear sir, it is not possible--we--can't--"

"Well, I never seed what I couldn't larn about as smart as anyb