s
chair there was one with a hickory bottom; and doubtless he would have
filled it, and even lapped over its edges, with equal dignity in the
recitation room of Big College.

The Committee had, at an early day, given an invitation to the Rev.
Charles Clarence, A.M., of New Jersey, and his answer had been
affirmative; yet for political reasons we had been obliged to invite
competitors, or _make_ them, and we found and created "a right smart
sprinkle."

Hopes of success were built on many things--for instance, on poverty; a
plea being entered that something ought to be done for the poor
fellow--on one's having taught a common school all his born days, who
now deserved to rise a peg--on political, or religious, or fanatical
partizan qualifications--and on pure patriotic principles, such as a
person's having been "born in a canebrake and rocked in a sugar trough."
On the other hand, a fat, dull-headed, and modest Englishman asked for a
place, because he had been born in Liverpool! and had seen the world
beyond the woods and waters, too! And another fussy, talkative,
pragmatical little gentleman rested his pretensions on his ability to
draw and paint maps!--not projecting them in roundabout scientific
processes, but in that speedy and elegant style in which young ladies
_copy_ maps at first chop boarding-schools! Nay, so transcendent seemed
Mr. Merchator's claims, when his _show_ or _sample_ maps were exhibited
to us, that some in our Board, and nearly everybody out of it, were
confident he would do for Professor of Mathematics and even Principal.

But of all our unsuccessful candidates, we shall introduce by name only
two--Mr. James Jimmy, A.S.S., and Mr. Solomon Rapid, A. to Z.

Mr. Jimmy, who aspired to the mathematical chair, was master of a small
school of all sexes, near Woodville. At the first, he was kindly, yet
honestly told, his knowledge was too limited and inaccurate; yet,
notwithstanding this, and some almost rude repulses afterward, he
persisted in his application and his hopes. To give evidence of
competency, he once told me he was arranging a new spelling-book, the
publication of which would make him known as a literary man, and be an
unspeakable advantage to "the rising generation." And this naturally
brought on the following colloquy about the work:

"Ah! indeed! Mr. Jimmy?"

"Yes, indeed, Mr. Carlton."

"On what new principle do you go, sir?"

"Why, sir, on the principles of nature and common sen