,
And at last ends the age of cant."

If people can get excited singing that, my songs would send them
crazy.

Then there is the Coalition. I have had a good deal of difficulty
about this, but I think that at last I have hit the right note; all my
first efforts were too dignified. This goes to a darkie tune:--

THE PIEBALD MARE.

Air--_Camptown Ladies._

Down-town darkies all declare,
Doo-dah, doo-dah,
There never was a hoss like the piebald mare,
Doo-dah, doo-dah day!
One half dark and the other half pale,
Doo-dah, doo-dah,
Two fat heads and a great big tail,
Doo-dah, doo-dah day!

_Chorus._
Gwine to run all night,
Gwine to run all day!
I put my money on the piebald mare
Because she run both way.

Little old DAVE he ride dat hoss,
Doo-dah, doo-dah,
Where'll she be if he takes a toss?
Doo-dah, doo-dah day!
De people try to push him off,
Doo-dah, doo-dah,
De more dey push de more he scoff,
Doo-dah, doo-dah day!

_Chorus._
Gwine to run, &c.

Over the largest fence they bound,
Doo-dah, doo-dah,
Things exploding all around,
Doo-dah, doo-dah day!
One fine day dat hoss will burst,
Doo-dah, doo-dah,
But little old DAVE he'll _walk_ in first,
Doo-dah, doo-dah day!

_Chorus._
Gwine to run, &c.

Once again, merely written down, the words do _not_ thrill, but I hope
none of the parties will definitely reject these hymns till they have
heard them actually sung; if necessary I will give a trial rendering
myself.

The other day, when we were playing charades and had to act L, we did
_Lloyd George and the Coalition_; and the people who were acting the
Coalition sang the above song with really wonderful effect. It is true
that the other side thought we were acting _Legion and the Gadarene
Swine_, but that must have been because of something faulty in our
make-up. The sound of this great anthem was sufficiently impressive to
make one long to hear the real Coalition shouting it all along Downing
Street. It is a solo with chorus, you understand, and the Coalition
come in with a great roar of excitement and fervour on _Doo-dah!
Doo-dah!_

Yes, I like that.

A. P. H.

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[Illustration: _Profiteer Host._ "WOT D'YER THINK OF MY OAKS?"
_Profiteer Guest._ "BIT OF ALL RIGHT. WHERE D'YER GET 'EM?"]

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