berries, or bananas,
or corn, grapes, or artichokes; drinks water, or alcohol, or tea. It eats
up a great many children, and would have destroyed the boy who afterward
became the father of his country had he not driven it back with his
hatchet. (See the last two hundred Sunday-school addresses.)

The first peculiarity of this Tigris regalis or Felis pardus, commonly
called a lie, is its

LONGEVITY.

If it once get born, it lives on almost interminably. Sometimes it has
followed a man for ten, twenty or forty years, and has been as healthy in
its last leap as in the first. It has run at every president from General
Washington to General Grant, and helped kill Horace Greeley. It has barked
at every good man since Adam, and every good woman since Eve, and every
good boy since Abel, and every good cow since Pharaoh's lean kine. Malarias
do not poison it, nor fires burn it, nor winters freeze it. Just now it is
after your neighbor; to-morrow it will be after you. It is the healthiest
of all monsters. Its tooth knocks out the "tooth of time." Its hair never
turns white with age, nor does it limp with decrepitude. It is
distinguished for its longevity.

THE LENGTH OF ITS LEGS.

It keeps up with the express train, and is present at the opening and the
shutting of the mailbags. It takes a morning run from New York to San
Francisco or over to London before breakfast. It can go a thousand miles at
a jump. It would despise seven-league boots as tedious. A telegraph pole is
just knee-high to this monster, and from that you can judge its speed of
locomotion. It never gets out of wind, carries a bag of reputations made up
in cold hash, so that it does not have to stop for victuals. It goes so
fast that sometimes five million people have seen it the same morning.

KEENNESS OF NOSTRIL.

It can smell a moral imperfection fifty miles away. The crow has no faculty
compared with this for finding carrion. It has scented something a hundred
miles off, and before night "treed" its game. It has a great genius for
smelling. It can find more than is actually there. When it begins to snuff
the air, you had better look out. It has great length and breadth and
depth, and height of nose.

ACUTENESS OF EAR.

The rabbit has no such power to listen as this creature we speak of. It
hears all the sounds that come from five thousand keyholes. It catches a
whisper from the other side the room, and can understand the scratch of a
pen. It ha