d mince pies are too rich for ministers. Put these
men down on catfish and flounders, as were the fishermen apostles. Too much
oats makes horses frisky, and a minister high-fed is sure to get his foot
over the shaft. If we want to keep our pulpits spiritual, we must keep them
poor. Blessed are the poor!"

"Stop! stop!" cried the Pulpit; and it seemed to rise higher than before,
and to tremble from head to foot with excitement, and the banisters to
twist as if to fly in indignation at the Pew, and the plush on the
book-board to look red as fire; and seeing there was going to be a
collision between Pulpit and Pew, I ran up the aisle and got between them
(they were wide enough apart to allow me to get in), and I cried, "Silence!
This is great talk for a church. Pulpits ought not to scold, and Pews ought
not to grumble. As far as I can see, you are both to blame. Better shake
hands and pray for a better spirit. It wants more than a bishop to settle
this difficulty. The Lord Almighty alone can make Pulpit and Pew what they
ought to be. You both need to be baptized over again!" Then, taking up a
silver bowl that stood on the communion table, half full of the water
yesterday used at a babe's christening, I stood between the belligerents,
and sprinkled Pew and Pulpit with a Christian baptism, in the name of the
Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost. And when I got through, I could
not tell whether Pew or Pulpit said Amen the louder.

CHAPTER XX.

THE DEVIL'S GRIST-MILL.

The above name has been given to one of the geysers of California, that
group of boiling springs, now famous. Indeed, the whole region has been
baptized with Satanic nomenclature.

The guide showed us what he called the "Devil's Mush-pot," the "Devil's
Pulpit," the "Devil's Machine Shop," and, hearing a shrill whistle in the
distance, we were informed it was the "Devil's Tea-kettle." Seeing some
black water rushing from a fountain, from which the people of the
neighborhood and tourists dip up genuine ink, we were told it was the
"Devil's Ink-stand." Indeed, you are prepared for this on the Pacific
Railroad, as your guide book points you to the "Devil's Gate," and the
"Devil's Slide," and the "Devil's Peak."

We protest against this surrender of all the geysers to the arch demon. All
the writers talk of the place as infernal. We do not believe this place so
near to hell as to heaven. We doubt if Satan ever comes here. He knows
enough of hot clima