*

[Illustration: _Farmer_ (_to land-girl, who has been sent to feed the
pigs_). "WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT THE SWILL BACK?"

_Land Girl_. "WELL, THEY WERE ASLEEP AND LOOKED SO COMFY--I SIMPLY
HADN'T THE HEART TO DISTURB THEM."]

* * * * *

THE LANGUAGE TEST FOR V.A.D.'S.

From an Official Form of Application for stripes:--

"I certify that these Members have diligently attended their
duties at the Hospital, are always neat in appearance, punctual in
their habits and proficient in their cursing. I recommend they be
allowed to enter for the Blue Stripe Examination."

* * * * *

From the announcement of a musical service:--

"Soprano Solo, 'With Verger clad'. (_Creation_), Miss Dorothy
----,"--_Canadian Paper_.

Quite a new "creation."

* * * * *

[Illustration: CASTING PEARLS.

_Philistine_ (_who has been dragged by wife to Jazz tea-shop_). "WHAT
IS IT THEY'BE TRYING TO PLAY, DEAR?"

_Modern Wife_. "OH, YOU WOULDN'T BE ANY THE WISER.--NOTHING OUT OF
'THE BOHEMIAN GIRL.'"]

* * * * *

THE HOUSE HISTRIONIC.

The enterprise of Mr. C.B. COCHRAN, who announces that the oak-parlour
used in his play at the St. Martin's Theatre will be sold by auction
at the conclusion of the run, has not unnaturally provoked a certain
liveliness in architectural circles. Should advertisements of houses
for sale ever reappear in the newspapers, it is thought likely that
they may include something like this:--

Desirable Family Mansion of unique interest, suit dramatist seeking
congenial associations. Exceptionally fine dining-hall, as used in
the supper scene in _Macbeth_, and equipped with convenient _Banquo_
sliding-panel to kitchen. The latter apartment deserves the epithet
Baronial, being transported direct from the successful pantomime,
_Puss-in-Boots_, and capable of accommodating a ballet of two hundred
cooks. The elegantly proportioned drawing-room (to which a fourth wall
has been since added) was the subject of special mention in several
leading newspapers after the production of _Epigrams_ at the Niobe
Theatre; while each of the twelve bedrooms represents some recent
triumph in the Problematical Drama. An attractive feature is the
fitting of an artificial sunlight attachment to the outside of each
window; while every room is provided with one or more telephones.

S