* *

=TWINS= Insult added to Injury.

* * * * *

=TWISTERS=

[Illustration]

An undesirable thing to have on hand.

It's a wise son who can get two birds with One Bone.

U V

There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood,
leads on to Fortune--But most of us catch our watered stock on the
ebb.

=UMBRELLA= A good thing to put up in a shower--or pawn-shop; but,
like skating, never seen after Lent.

* * * * *

=UNBOSOMED=

[Illustration]

A shirt just returned from a steam laundry.

* * * * *

=UNION= An ailing individual frequently troubled by scabs and
liable to strike without warning.

* * * * *

=UMPIRE= No jeweler, but a high authority on diamonds.

* * * * *

=USHER= One who takes a leading part in a theatre.

=VACCINATION= Where "jabbing the needle" is never a vice.

* * * * *

=VAUDEVILLE= From Lat. _vaut_, good for, and _villageois_,
countryman. Good for countrymen.

* * * * *

=VERANDA=

[Illustration]

An open-air enclosure often used as a spoon-holder.

* * * * *

=VEST= A waistcoat sold at halfprice.

* * * * *

=VIRTUE= A quality oftentimes associated with intelligence, but
rarely with beauty.

* * * * *

=VULGARITY= The conduct of others.

A rolling stone gathers no moss--except at roulette.

W

But a stony roll always gathers the stony stare.

=WAITER= An Inn-experienced servant.

* * * * *

=WAR= A wholesale means of making heroes which, if planned in a
small way, would produce only murderers.

* * * * *

=WATER= A thin substance applied to stocks with which to soak
buyers.

* * * * *

=WEDDING= A trade in which the bride is generally given away, and
the groom is often sold.

* * * * *

=WEEDS= Found in gardens and widows. For removing easily, marry
the widow.

* * * * *

=WICKEDNESS= A myth invented by good people to account fo