=Second-class Matter.=

This class was originated for the benefit of Patent Medicine Mixers,
who print circulars on "What Ails You" four times a year, and pepper
the land with "Before-and-after-taking" caricatures, at the rate of
one cent a pound.

=Third-class Matter.=

While the quack nostrums travel second-class for one cent a pound,
books, engravings, manuscript copy, and works of art have to go
third-class and are taxed one cent for every two ounces. They must
also be left open for inspection, thus affording the post-office
employee a fleeting acquaintance with something really useful.

=Fourth-class Matter.=

Everything not included in the above, except poisons, explosives,
live animals, insects, inflammable articles, and things giving off a
bad odor. The last two do not include _The Police Gazette_ or _The
Philistine_.

_A Few Mythological and Classical Names._

_Brought down to date in brief Notes by the Editor._

ACHILLES. A courageous Greek, who did a general slaughtering
business in Troy in 1180 B.C., but was finally pinked in the
heel--his only vulnerable spot--and died.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

=Long life often depends on being well heeled.=

* * * * *

ADONIS. A beautiful youth, beloved by Venus and killed by a boar.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

=Bores have been the death of us ever since.=

* * * * *

BACCHUS. A brewer, who supplied the Gods with nectar, the beer that
made Olympus famous.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

=Those desiring a drink, please ask Dickens if "Bacchus is
willin'."=

* * * * *

CASTOR AND POLLUX. Two clever sports and twin brothers from Greece,
Castor being a horse-trainer and Pollux a pugilist, whose sister,
Helen, a respectable, married woman, disgraced the family by eloping
with Paris.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

=Just because a man can break a broncho or win a prize fight, it's no
sign he can manage a woman.=

* * * * *

CERBERUS. A dog with three heads, a serpent's tail and several
snakes around his neck, who guarded the main entrance to Hades.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

=When a man begins to see snakes and one head looks like three, it's
a cinch he's not far from Hell.=

* * * * *

CHARON. The gloomy gondolier of the Styx, who carried the dead to
the Other World--if they paid him first.

*-*-*-*-*-*-