back for me at 7:30. Do you hear, you old joker, it's no use
keeping it up--

_(Aunt sits motionless.)_

Oh, well, I can't wait, _(undoes his braces)_ But look here, if
you don't clear out before _she_ comes I'll break every bone in
your body. Au reservoir!

_(Doctor exits into bath-room.)_

Aunt. _(crosses to table)_ And _that_ is my brother's
only child! A shameless monster, lost to all sense of decency,
and carrying on with _two_ sailor girls! Horrible! But after all,
he's my nephew and I must do my duty by him. What is my duty,
I wonder? _(comes back and sits on sofa)_ His father was such a
gentle soul, and to think that this brutal ruffian is his son.

_(Enter Tupper.)_

Tupper. _(looks round, sees no one, hears splashing in next
room)_ 'E's 'avin' a bath, now's my time for a quiet smoke,
_(picks cigarette end oft ash tray)_

Aunt. _(to herself)_ Oh, my poor head!

Tupper. _(starts and comes to her, cigarette in mouth)_ Summat
wrong with yer 'ead?

Aunt. Go away, you horrid boy!

Tupper. The doctor'll cure it in a jiffy, take my tip, but 'e's
'avin' a bath just now. You know he's a great believer in the
water cure. He says if we 'ad cleaner bodies we'd 'ave cleaner
minds--do _you_ 'old with that? I spec he'll give _you_ the water
cure. I say--you must pay for it afore you go, 'cos 'e's stoney.
Goes on tick for every think. 'Ave you got a light?

Aunt. Go away!

Tupper. All right, no offence, _(gets match from mantelpiece)_
The doctor could make lots of money if he'd only try, but 'e
don't. 'E just lies on that couch all day reading books with
'orrible pictures of people 'aving their arms and legs chopped
orf, and such like. _(coming round)_ This is the wust--ain't it
blood-curdling? But the lady don't seem to mind--she looks quite
calm and peaceful-like, don't she? _(shows Aunt the book)_

Aunt. Take it away, you dreadful boy!

Tupper. All right--keep your 'air on. _(goes up stage)_ 'E's
wonderful clever; you should see 'im with these 'ere knives,
golly! ain't they sharp! _(trying one)_ 'E'd slice yer up as soon
as look at yer, _and yet_ no patients don't come. Why's that? Do
you think 'e's too expensive--it's a pound a time.

_(Bell rings.)_

I say, the proper way is to leave it in a h'envelope on this 'ere
table. Don't forget, 'cos there 'ere clothes ain't paid for yet,
and if they ain't to-day, they're a-comin' orf.

Aunt. You rude boy! Go! _(sits in grandfather's chair)_

Tupper. _(