mealy-mouthed about it 'fore us
boys; for we'll all go in for you here up to the handle."

"Yes," said Billy, "dang old Roper if we don't go our death for you, no
matter who offers. If ever you come out for anything, Lyman, jist let
the boys of Upper Hogthief know it, and they'll go for you to the hilt,
against creation, tit or no tit, that's the _tatur_."

I thanked them, kindly, but repeated my assurances. The reader will not
suppose that the district took its name from the character of the
inhabitants. In almost every county in the state there is some spot or
district which bears a contemptuous appellation, usually derived from
local rivalships, or from a single accidental circumstance.

DESOLATION[1]

BY TOM MASSON

Somewhat back from the village street
Stands the old-fashioned country seat.
Across its antique portico
Tall poplar trees their shadows throw.
And there throughout the livelong day,
Jemima plays the pi-a-na.
Do, re, mi,
Mi, re, do.

In the front parlor, there it stands,
And there Jemima plies her hands,
While her papa beneath his cloak,
Mutters and groans: "This is no joke!"
And swears to himself and sighs, alas!
With sorrowful voice to all who pass.
Do, re, mi,
Mi, re, do.

Through days of death and days of birth
She plays as if she owned the earth.
Through every swift vicissitude
She drums as if it did her good,
And still she sits from morn till night
And plunks away with main and might,
Do, re, mi,
Mi, re, do.

In that mansion used to be
Free-hearted hospitality;
But that was many years before
Jemima monkeyed with the score.
When she began her daily plunk,
Into their graves the neighbors sunk.
Do, re, mi,
Mi, re, do.

To other worlds they've long since fled,
All thankful that they're safely dead.
They stood the racket while alive
Until Jemima rose at five.
And then they laid their burdens down,
And one and all they skipped the town.
Do, re, mi,
Mi, re, do.

[Footnote 1: By permission of Life Publishing Company.]

CRANKIDOXOLOGY[2]

BY WALLACE IRWIN

(_Being a Mental Attitude from Bernard Pshaw_)

It's wrong to be thoroughly human,
It's stupid alone to be good,
A