by the
law of Procrustes, and permitted no appeals; opinionated and arbitrary
as the Czar, he was sauced by his negroes, respected and loved by his
neighbors, led by the nose by his wife and daughters, and the abject
slave of his grandchildren.

His house was as big as a barn, and, as his sons and daughters married,
they brought their mates home to the old mansion. "It will be time
enough for them to hive," quoth the Squire, "when the old box is full."

Notwithstanding his contempt for fast men nowadays, he is rather pleased
with any allusion to his own youthful reputation in that line, and not
unfrequently tells a good story on himself. We can not omit one told by
a neighbor, as being characteristic of the times and manners forty years
ago:

At Culpepper Court-house, or some court-house thereabout, Dick Hardy,
then a good-humored, gay young bachelor, and the prime favorite of both
sexes, was called upon to carve the pig at the court dinner. The
district judge was at the table, the lawyers, justices, and everybody
else that felt disposed to dine. At Dick's right elbow sat a militia
colonel, who was tricked out in all the pomp and circumstance admitted
by his rank. He had probably been engaged on some court-martial,
imposing fifty-cent fines on absentees from the last general muster.
Howbeit Dick, in thrusting his fork into the back of the pig,
bespattered the officer's regimentals with some of the superfluous
gravy. "Beg your pardon," said Dick, as he went on with his carving. Now
these were times when the war spirit was high, and chivalry at a
premium. "Beg your pardon" might serve as a napkin to wipe the stain
from one's honor, but did not touch the question of the greased and
spotted regimentals.

The colonel, swelling with wrath, seized a spoon, and deliberately
dipping it into the gravy, dashed it over Dick's prominent shirt-frill.

All saw the act, and with open eyes and mouth sat in astonished
silence, waiting to see what would be done next. The outraged citizen
calmly laid down his knife and fork, and looked at his frill, the
officer, and the pig, one after another. The colonel, unmindful of the
pallid countenance and significant glances of the burning eye, leaned
back in his chair, with arms akimbo, regarding the young farmer with
cool disdain. A murmur of surprise and indignation arose from the
congregated guests. Dick's face turned red as a turkey-gobbler's. He
deliberately took the pig by the hind leg