see it on de face,
So if you don't lak geev de girl on wan poor habitant,
Dat's be mese'f, I say, Bonsoir, mon cher M'sieur Gourdon."

"Come back, come back," Maxime is shout--"I promise you de girl,
I never see no wan lak you--no never on de worl'!
It's not de nice trick you was play on man dat's gettin' ole,
But do jus' w'at you lak, so long you pull me out de hole."

"Hooraw! Hooraw!" Den Dominique is pull heem out tout suite
An' Emmeline she's helpin' too for place heem on de feet,
An' affer dat de ole man's tak' de young peep down de stair,
W'ere he is go couche right off, an' dey go on parloir.

Nex' Sunday morning dey was call by M'sieur le Cure
Get marry soon, an' ole Maxime geev Emmeline away;
Den affer dat dey settle down lak habitant is do,
An' have de mos' fine familee on Village St. Mathieu.

[Footnote 7: From "The Habitant and Other French Canadian Poems," by
William Henry Drummond. Copyright 1897 by G.P. Putnam's Sons.]

THE GIRL FROM MERCURY

AN INTERPLANETARY LOVE STORY

_Being the Interpretation of Certain Phonic Vibragraphs Recorded by the
Long's Peak Wireless Installation, Now for the First Time Made Public
Through the Courtesy of Professor Caducious, Ph.D., Sometime Secretary
of the Boulder Branch of the Association for the Advancement of
Interplanetary Communication._

BY HERMAN KNICKERBOCKER VIELE

It is evident that the following logograms form part of a correspondence
between a young lady, formerly of Mercury, and her confidential friend
still resident upon the inferior planet. The translator has thought it
best to preserve, as far as possible, the spirit of the original by the
employment of mundane colloquialisms; the result, in spite of many
regrettable trivialities, will, it is believed, be of interest to
students of Cosmic Sociology.

THE FIRST RECORD

Yes, dear, it's me. I'm down here on the Earth and in our Settlement
House, safe and sound. I meant to have called you up before, but really
this is the first moment I have had to myself all day.--Yes, of course,
I said "all day." You know very well they have days and nights here,
because this restless little planet spins, or something of the sort.--I
haven't the least idea why it does so, and I don't care.--I did not
come here to make intelligent observations like a dowdy "Seeing Saturn"
tourist. So don't be Uranian. Try to exercise intuitive perception if I
say