which the
Asses and Men are concerned, seem to me altogether extraordinary and
unaccountable. Why they should keep Running Asses at _Coleshill_, or how
making Mouths turns to account in _Warwickshire_, more than in any other
Parts of _England_, I cannot comprehend. I have looked over all the
Olympic Games, and do not find any thing in them like an Ass-Race, or a
Match at Grinning. However it be, I am informed that several Asses are
now kept in Body-Cloaths, and sweated every Morning upon the Heath, and
that all the Country-Fellows within ten Miles of the _Swan_, grinn an
Hour or two in their Glasses every Morning, in order to qualify
themselves for the 9th of _October_. The Prize, which is proposed to be
Grinn'd for, has raised such an Ambition among the Common People of
Out-grinning one another, that many very discerning Persons are afraid
it should spoil most of the Faces in the Country; and that a
_Warwickshire_ Man will be known by his Grinn, as Roman-Catholicks
imagine a _Kentish_ Man is by his Tail. The Gold Ring which is made the
Prize of Deformity, is just the Reverse of the Golden Apple that was
formerly made the Prize of Beauty, and should carry for its Posy the old
Motto inverted.

'Detur tetriori'.

Or to accommodate it to the Capacity of the Combatants,

_The frightfull'st Grinner
Be the Winner_.

In the mean while I would advise a _Dutch_ Painter to be present at this
great Controversy of Faces, in order to make a Collection of the most
remarkable Grinns that shall be there exhibited.

I must not here omit an Account which I lately received of one of these
Grinning Matches from a Gentleman, who, upon reading the above-mentioned
Advertisement, entertained a Coffee-house with the following Narrative.

Upon the taking of _Namur_ [1], amidst other publick Rejoicings made on
that Occasion, there was a Gold Ring given by a Whig Justice of Peace to
be grinn'd for. The first Competitor that entered the Lists, was a black
swarthy _French Man_, who accidentally passed that way, and being a Man
naturally of a wither'd Look, and hard Features, promised himself good
Success. He was placed upon a Table in the great Point of View, and
looking upon the Company like _Milton's_ Death,

_Grinn'd horribly [2]
a Ghastly Smile ..._

His Muscles were so drawn together on each side of his Face, that he
shew'd twenty Teeth at a Grinn, and put the County in some pain, lest a
Foreigner should carry away the Hon