in Great Britain. The Staffs
are originally of Staffordshire, which took its name from them; the
first that I find of the Staffs was one Jacobstaff, a famous and
renowned astronomer, who, by Dorothy his wife, had issue seven
sons--viz., Bickerstaff, Longstaff, Wagstaff, Quarterstaff, Whitestaff,
Falstaff, and Tipstaff. He also had a younger brother, who was twice
married, and had five sons--viz., Distaff, Pikestaff, Mopstaff,
Broomstaff, and Raggedstaff. As for the branch from whence you spring,
I shall say very little of it, only that it is the chief of the Staffs,
and called Bickerstaff, quasi Biggerstaff; as much as to say, the Great
Staff, or Staff of Staffs; and that it has applied itself to Astronomy
with great success, after the example of our aforesaid forefather. The
descendants from Longstaff, the second son, were a rakish, disorderly
sort of people, and rambled from one place to another, till, in the time
of Harry the Second, they settled in Kent, and were called Long-Tails,
from the long tails which were sent them as a punishment for the murder
of Thomas-a-Becket, as the legends say. They have been always sought
after by the ladies, but whether it be to show their aversion to popery,
or their love to miracles, I cannot say. The Wagstaffs are a merry,
thoughtless sort of people, who have always been opinionated of their
own wit; they have turned themselves mostly to poetry. This is the most
numerous branch of our family, and the poorest. The Quarterstaffs are
most of them prize-fighters or deer-stealers; there have been so many of
them hanged lately that there are very few of that branch of our family
left. The Whitestaffs are all courtiers, and have had very considerable
places. There have been some of them of that strength and dexterity that
five hundred of the ablest men in the kingdom have often tugged in vain
to pull a staff out of their hands. The Falstaffs are strangely given to
drinking: there are abundance of them in and about London. And one thing
is very remarkable of this branch, and that is, there are just as many
women as men in it. There was a wicked stick of wood of this name in
Harry the Fourth's time, one Sir John Falstaff. As for Tipstaff, the
youngest son, he was an honest fellow; but his sons, and his sons' sons,
have all of them been the veriest rogues living; it is this unlucky
branch has stocked the nation with that swarm of lawyers, attorneys,
serjeants, and bailiffs, with which the nat