irst. After dinner
she began rummaging all over the place, but without saying
anything to me, and then I said quite quietly: "Do you hap--pen
to be look--ing for your di--ar--y? Here it is; you--left--it
in--the--fifth--class--un--der--the--third--bench." (I kept her on
tenter hooks that way.) She got as white as a sheet and said: "You _are_
an angel. If any one else had found it, I should have been expelled
and Mad. would have had to drown herself." "Oh, it can't be as bad as all
that," I said, for what she said about Mad. was frightfully exciting. In
class I had looked chiefly at what she had written about V. But I could
not read it there, because it was written very small and close together
and was several pages, but I had not looked much at what she had written
about Mad. "Did you read it?" "No, only where it happened to come open
because there's a page torn out." "About V. or about Mad?" "A little about
Mad; but tell me all about it; I shan't tell anyone. For if I'd wanted
to betray you, you know quite well. . . ." And then she told me all
about Mad. But first I had to promise that I would not even tell Hella.
Mad. is secretly engaged to a man to whom she has given "the utmost
gifts of love," that is to say she has . . . . She is madly in love with
him, and they would marry directly but he is a lieutenant too, and they
have not enough money for the security. She says that when one really
loves a man one can bear everything for his sake. She has often been to
his rooms, but she has to be frightfully careful for her father would
kill her if he found out. Dora has seen the lieutenant and says he is
very handsome, but that V. is much handsomer. Mad. says that you can't
trust men as a rule, but that her lover is quite different, that he is
true as steel. I am sure V. is too.

May 21st. When Mad. came to-day I simply could not look at her while
Mother was there and Dora says I made an awful fool of myself. For
I went out walking with them to-day, and when we met a smart-looking
officer I hemmed and looked at Dora. But she didn't know why. Mad. is
the daughter of a high official in the French military service and she
only took her teacher's degree in order to get free from her Mother's
"_tyranny_;" she nagged at her frightfully and until she began to give
lessons she was never allowed to go out alone. Dora says she is very
refined in her speech, especially when she is talking about _these_
things. Of course about _them_ s