lmet down until the edge
seemed just in line between his eye and the opposite bank; then,
holding himself carefully erect, he turned on his heel and noticed
where the edge seemed to touch the bank on which he stood, which was on
the same level as the other. He paced the distance to the point last
noted, and said: "This is the approximate width of the stream." He was
promoted.

"Mr. Webster," said the mayor of a Western city, when it was learned
that the great statesman, although weary with travel, would be delayed
for an hour by a failure to make close connections, "allow me to
introduce you to Mr. James, one of our most distinguished citizens."
"How do you do, Mr. James?" asked Webster mechanically, as he glanced
at a thousand people waiting to take his hand. "The truth is, Mr.
Webster," replied Mr. James in a most lugubrious tone, "I am not very
well." "I hope nothing serious is the matter," thundered the godlike
Daniel, in a tone of anxious concern. "Well, I don't know that, Mr.
Webster. I think it's rheumatiz, but my wife----" "Mr. Webster, this
is Mr. Smith," broke in the mayor, leaving poor Mr. James to enjoy his
bad health in the pitiless solitude of a crowd. His total want of tact
had made him ridiculous.

"Address yourself to the jury, sir," said a judge to a witness who
insisted upon imparting his testimony in a confidential tone to the
court direct. The man did not understand and continued as before.
"Speak to the jury, sir, the men sitting behind you on the raised
benches." Turning, the witness bowed low in awkward suavity, and said,
"Good-morning, gentlemen."

"What are these?" asked Napoleon, pointing to twelve silver statues in
a cathedral. "The twelve Apostles," was the reply. "Take them down,"
said Napoleon, "melt them, coin them into money, and let them go about
doing good, as their Master did."

"I don't think the Proverbs of Solomon show very great wisdom," said a
student at Brown University; "I could make as good ones myself." "Very
well," replied President Wayland, "bring in two to-morrow morning." He
did not bring them.

"Will you lecture for us for fame?" was the telegram young Henry Ward
Beecher received from a Young Men's Christian Association in the West.
"Yes, F. A. M. E. Fifty and my expenses," was the answer the shrewd
young preacher sent back.

Montaigne tells of a monarch who, on the sudden death of an only child,
showed his resentment against Providence by abolishi