ts tetenth edition, at
least the ninth is neraly all shrubshcribed bedfore it isrereaddy. If
my pullisher is not sasfide oughtbe. Never use pen now only typwritr so
much quickerin tellgible convenent an leshble

Yours
S SMUGGYNS

It strikes us that either the machine stammers, or that it was, at the time
of writing, somewhat the worse for liquor, or that it is a very truthfully
phonetic-writing but somewhat indiscreet amanuensis. At the same time
herewith and hereby every success to our friend SMUGGYNS'S new book.

* * * * *

HARD LINES FOR HIM.--When the first stone of a new theatre in Cranbourne
Street was laid the other day by some Magnates of the Theatrical
Profession--beg pardon, "_the_ Profession," we should have said--Mrs.
BANCROFT made a telling impromptu speech, and then Mr. YARDLEY, ancient
Cricketer and Modern Dramatist, was hit on the head--accidentally, of
course--by the bottle which is in use on these occasions. "Very YARDLEY
treated," observed Sir DRURIOLANUS, in his happiest vein. Not the first
literary gent who, according to the ancient slang of the Tom-and-Jerry
period, has been "cut" by ill-use of the bottle. But the unfortunate
author's sorrows did not end with this sad blow, as, very soon afterwards,
his dear friends the Critics, with profuse apologies for being compelled to
handle him so severely, were down upon him for his new version of a French
piece, entitled _The Planter_. So the logical sequence of events was, that
first a blow was planted, and then appeared _The Planter_.

* * * * *

ECCLESIASTICAL LAYMAN.--At a meeting in Rome, the "Duke di SERMONETA" took
the chair. If ever there were a staunch Churchman, this by his name,
rendered in English as "Sermon-devourer," should be he.

* * * * *

OUR OWN FINANCIAL COLUMN.

_Telegraphic Address_--"_Croesus, E.C._"

[Illustration]

Sir,--Let me first express my financial acknowledgments to the teeming
millions who have honoured me, and benefited themselves by seeking my
advice since my first letter appeared last week. Communications containing
cheques, postal orders, and stamps, have poured in upon me in one unceasing
torrent. The consignors have, in every case, been good enough to say that
they handed all they possessed over to me, in the full confidence that I
would invest the proceeds to the best advantage in some of