atellites are not much better. A
"Star" on the stage might perhaps thus acknowledge the presence of a friend
and admirer in the Stalls or in the charmed Circle. But for a Heavenly Body
to be guilty of duplicity, and above all for a "Number One" Heavenly Body,
is too much. No more will the simple lines

"Twinkle, twinkle, little Star!"

be true. No; if "Jupiter's Satellite No. 1" takes to such light conduct,
then shall we, have to read

"Wink, O wink, you little Star!"

Henceforth let astronomers be very careful what observations they make. To
what a state of things are we coming, when at night all the sublunary world
is nodding, and the Stars above are winking. If there's duplicity in a
Satellite of Jupiter, how about Jupiter itself? Can we henceforth put any
trust in the Planets? Are they in league with deceitful soothsayers,
astrologers, and fortune-tellers? I cannot further pursue the painful
subject. We owe a debt of gratitude to the _Times_ for exposing duplicity
in the highest places. Imagine treachery in Aurora Borealis! What an awful
flirt she would be!! How she'd "wink the other eye!"

Yours,
AN ASTRONOMER LOYAL.

* * * * *

FROM MASHONALAND.--Inspired by the success of ARTHUR B., of DE GORSTIBUS
NON DISPUTANDUM, and of Sir KETTLE-DRUMMOND WOLFF, our GRANDOLPH meditates
a surprise return to his own native land and to Parliamentary life. He
announces his intention of changing his name, and will call himself "Lord
NIL DESPERANDUM CHURCHILL." Hail to the modern Coeur-de-Lion!"

* * * * *

FINAL.--The _Daily Chronicle_ says it does not regard Mr. GOSCHEN as one of
the Puritans of finance. Well, no, perhaps, GEORGE JOACHIM'S finance--like
his manner--is rather _Cavalier_!

* * * * *

ONLY FANCY!

[Illustration: Farmer Atkinson.]

MR. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., attending the American Methodist Conference, has
been supplying the United States with interesting illustrations of House of
Commons manners. Incidentally he observed that Primitive Methodists,
members of which body were largely represented in his audience, are
"impostors." This led to some misunderstanding, and Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON,
M.P., found it necessary to explain that he had used the term "simply in a
Parliamentary sense." We learn by special Zadkiel telegram that, on
emerging from the Hall after the meeting, the Rev. HERCULES EBENEZER
(Omaha)