was to be utterly
cast off. When I have desired to feel after good, evil has never failed to
present itself. O, when will He whose countenance has often made all
within me glad, see meet to return and say, "It is enough!"

6 _mo_. 27.--The thoughts which he put into writing under this date
seem to have been occasioned by entering into business on his own account.

Am now about to enter the busy scenes of life, which sinks me into the
very depth of humility and fear, lest the concerns of an earthly nature
should deprive me of my heavenly crown, which I have so often desired to
prefer even to life itself. But O, should there remain any regard in the
breast of the Father of mercies, for one who feels so unable to cope with
the world, may he still be pleased to preserve me in his fear, and not
only to take me under the shadow of his heavenly wing, but make me willing
to abide under the guidance of his divine direction!

7 _mo_. 15.--"Cause me not to return to the house of Jonathan the
scribe, lest I die there." These words of our weeping prophet have
sensibly affected my heart this morning, under a prevailing desire that my
gracious rather may not permit me to remain as in the prison-house of
worldly affairs, lest I die my spiritual death there.

We shall see that he was not successful in business; and it may be that
the disappointments he experienced in this way were in some sort an answer
to these ardent prayers to be kept from the spirit of the world.

Under date 21_st_ of the First Month, 1814, he writes:

I trust the few temporal disappointments I have met with of late have been
conducive to my best interest, having had a tendency to turn my views from
a too anxious pursuit after the things of time to a serious consideration
of the very great importance of a more strict reliance on the
never-failing arm of divine support, for the want of which I believe I
have suffered unspeakable loss.

About this time he had frequently to mourn over the difficulty of fixing
his mind in meetings for worship. He often complains of "wandering in the
unprofitable fields of vain imagination;" but sometimes also he bears a
joyful testimony to the Lord's power in enabling him to unite in spirit
with the living worshippers.

The fear of man is one of the most universal of the besetments which try
the faith of the Christian; and it may be encouraging to some to see on
this point the confession of one whose natural character